Can a Blogger Get a Lap Dance?

Sorry for the lack of updates over the weekend, but I just couldn't bring myself to shell out 20 bucks- which at my current pace, is about 2 years of google ad clicks- for two more nights of hotel internet access. I do love my readers and all, but twenty bucks? That's cover and two drinks at Spearmint Rhino. When I look at it like that, it really wasn't a tough choice at all.

Here's what I missed over the past few days...

-Reeeeejected. "Just For Men" spokesman and former major leaguer turned broadcaster, Keith Hernandez noticed that the Padres had a female in the dugout during a game and had this piece of social commentary, "Who is the girl in the dugout, with the long hair? What's going on here?...I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout." The girl in the dugout was Padres' massage therapist Kelly Calabrese who was defended by manager Bruce Bochy as someone who plays "a major role" with this club in getting them ready for the game. However judging by the team's sluggish 8-10 start, management may want to make sure that there are no 'happy endings' provided in those pregame massages. Until then, her presence will be welcomed by all members of the Padres' roster, with the lone exception of Mike Piazza who, according to New York tabloids, thinks that girls hands feel icky.

-Saturday, for the first time in a decade, Barry Bonds hit a homer and Billy Crystal got a boner without any pharmaceutical assistance.

-In a season in which Barry Bonds appears to be aging by the game, 40 year-old Greg Maddux improved to 4-0 with a 0.99 ERA. Can you imagine the tongue bath Maddux would be receiving from Peter King tomorrow if he'd chosen to write about baseball instead?

-In a surprise move, Matt Doherty accepted the position of head coach of SMU's basketball program. It wasn't a surprise that Doherty would take any gig that was offerred. It was a surprise, however, that SMU actually had a basketball program.

-All those who said the Kings were peaking at the right time and were a dangerous opponent for the Spurs felt great shame and quickly denied ever suggesting such nonsense after Manu Ginobili and his flying elbows knocked out Sacramento early and painfully.

-Here's a great example of how statistics can be misleading. During the weekend NBA playoff games on ESPN, the production crew fell in love with this stat: "In a best of 7 series, the team that wins game 1 has gone on to win the series 79% of the time." The announcers then used this number to hype up the game they were calling, saying that this statistic showed how vital winning game 1 is. But in actuality, that isn't what the stat says at all. All that number really illustrates is the rather obvious fact that the favorites, especially the heavy ones, usually win in the playoffs. In any given matchup, the team with the better regular season record will have home court in game 1 and will be favored. That team will also be favored to win the series. Those favorites usually prevail. For example this past weekend, 7 of the 8 home teams won game 1 of the series (New Jersey lost to Indiana). If all 8 of the teams favored to win the series do indeed advance to round 2, then 87.5% of the teams that won round 1 will have won the series. Winnng game one isn't the key to taking the series; being the better team is. While winning game one in the NBA playoffs is still important, it's not the end all and be all that ESPN was trying to portray it as.

In hockey news, umm...well...I'm sorry but my hotel didn't get OLN.