Victoria's Dirty Little Secret...Now on TV!!!

With all apologies to Jim Murray, here are my notes on a scorecard from tonight's Victoria's Secret "Fashion Show."

Tyra Banks may be one of the most annoying women on the planet, but that is all forgotten when she starts to bounce down a catwalk. And the operative word is bounce.

Seen on a ticker posted in the changing room: "Be Elegant. Be Powerful. Be Strong." Screw that. Be hot. Be naked. It's just that easy.

Seal is one of the live performers. To the surprise of noone he sang, "Crazy." It was either sing that or that song from one of the Batman movies. He's married to Heidi Klum and making bank. Nobody since Chubby Checker has gotten as much mileage out of one song.

One of the Victoria's Secret executives just called Tyra Banks "The Michael Jordan of Runway Modelling." I guess that makes Heidi Klum the Scottie Pippen of Runway Modelling; and Adriana Lima is LeBron James.

In one routine, the models came out dressed as nutcrackers. Subtle.

Ricky Martin sang some manufactured song about moving and dancing. He's also sporting something between a Fauxhawk and a Mohawk. We'll call it a Mofo. Here's another Ricky Martin tidbit- he enjoys Golden Showers. Which is funny, because I always pegged him as a felching guy.

No woman has ever walked into my bedroom wearing wings, a bobby's helmet, or a feathered headress with her lingerie. I'm missing out.

CBS seemed very reluctant to show any ass shots when a model was wearing a thong. That was a major disappointment. The thong is the #1 reason for watching. Although I guess it was appropriate for the show to be one big tease.

Lastly, I know I was probably supposed to be sentimental during Tyra Banks' farewell scene. But instead I just found myself thinking things like, "She seems to be battling her weight. Someone should give her an AbFlex for a parting gift. Maybe she's the Wizards version of Michael Jordan. It's a good thing she's leaving now before it gets ugly."