In Tonight's News

Sharapova Survives Sloppy Second... Maria Sharapova beat Nadia Petrova 7-6, 6-4 despite having 36 unforced errors and wearing what appeared to be a maternity dress. You'd think that with $18.2 million she'd be able to afford some better fashion tips to go along with her power serve. She'll play the winner of Davenport v Henin-Hardenne who are currently locked at one set a piece at the time of this writing..

I didn't watch Kobe Bryant go for 81 points Sunday night, but I did see Adam Morrison hit 9 of his first 10 shots, including a 28 footer that was nothing but net, on his way to 41 points in tonight's victory over USF. Adam Morrison's mustache makes him look like a rapist, and Kobe was accused of rape, so it's almost the same thing..right???

In a game that was only watched by ESPN executives, five girls in white jerseys put an undersized basketball through a hoop more times than five girls in orange jerseys, and then the five girls in white jumped up and down...

Which reminds me, there's nothing more annoying than watching the ticker on ESPN2 and seeing a score of two teams that you have a bet on, only to realize midway through counting your winnings that it was the women's score and not the men's. I can't believe that there's anyone out there in TV land that really needs to know college girl's hoops scores as they happen. Can't we just get those scores delivered to us in the usual, anticipated manner-- forcefed to us on Sportscenter???

Barry Bonds actually said all the right things when he pulled out of the World Baseball Classic, which I think was the right decision for him to make. The man is 41 years old and has a trick knee that flares up anytime there's controversy in the air, so he needs his rest. It will however be a shame that Team USA won't be able to showcase to the world what American scientists are capable of creating if given the proper funding...

Now that Arizona has lost guard Jawann McClellan for the season, Lute Olson is talking about reinstating Chris Rodgers, who just last week was kicked off of the team for undisclosed reasons. Gregg Doyel details the timeline of Lute's decision, and summarizes the situation thusly, "Lute hasn't won 753 games and reached the Hall of Fame by putting anyone's needs above his own. " The article is a good, quick read, and a story that I'm sure isn't very uncommon in the college ranks...

David Axelrod grabbed his son Michael by the ear, handed him to his PR man and made him apologize to everyone for wasting their time with talks of suing Antonio and Kendra Davis. He will now follow the direction of his hairline and recede from the limelight, where he'll continue to make big bucks working for daddy for a few hours each day before drinking wine in preparation for Bulls games...

I didn't bother watching any of day 1 of the Super Bowl hype. What was the story today? Did Jerome Bettis take reporters on a tour of all of his favorite buffets in his hometown, Detroit?