Sunday, January 22, 2006

Paul Tagliabue's Picks.

Since the league has confirmed Joey Porter's accusation that the NFL wants certain teams to win, it's time to consider who the league and networks are rooting for in today's games. Let's look at the potential super bowl matchups and the way ABC would hype them:

Denver vs Seattle: It's Shanahan vs Holmgren- the Genius Rat and the Mastermind Walrus battle to see whose football mind reigns supreme.

Pittsburgh vs Seattle or Pittsburgh vs Carolina: Either of these matchups, and the network will talk about the Steelers going for Super Bowl win number five. They'll overwhelm us with nostalgia of the Steel Curtain, and draw parallels between the Immaculate Reception and the Roethlisberger tackle. The NFC team will be an afterthought in all of the promos.

Denver vs Carolina: Ummm...well....there's nothing to hype here at all. Well, if it were me, I'd go with the Battle of the Renees. Renee Thomas was the hot blonde Panther cheerleader who (allegedly) had a little lesbian lovin' in a bathroom stall. Renee Locklear is a member of the Broncos squad and may very well be the hottest cheerleader on the planet. Why aren't they in the Lingerie Bowl?! Of course, the NFL and ABC likely won't pursue that vision and will find something a little more meaningful. Maybe they can tie in Delhomme's Louisiana roots to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Or perhaps they could just do an Animal Planet show with all of the creatures living in Jake Plummer's beard?

The Steelers and Broncos play first today. If Denver wins, look for a few curious calls to go Seattle's way.


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