Surreal Life

Former child actress Jodie Sweetin, best known as the girl on Full House who wasn't related to Kirk Cameron and didn't look like a mun-chee-chee, admitted in an interview with ABC that she used to be addicted to methamphetamine. She was using everyday until an intervention was staged by her former Full House castmates, including Bob Saget, the Olsen Twins and John Stamos. Dave Coulier was there too, but since he's on Fox's Skating w/ the Stars, which is a ripoff of ABC's Dancing with the Stars, he's dead to the Disney family and isn't mentioned in the story.

John Stamos was at the intervention with a film crew as we has taping his yet to be picked up documentary, "Stamos in Progress." The Lounge was fortunate enough to obtain a transcript of the events.

Stamos: Jodie, we need to talk. We just read in the tabloids that you were on a bender for three days.

Saget: I used to suck dick for coke! Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for meth?

Mary-Kate: Oooh yeah, that's fun. Have you tried that yet, Jodie? You'll love it!

Coulier (in voice of Popeye): Well blow me down! Ahhgagagaga....

Stamos: Guys, you're not helping! How am I going to sell this documentary if we don't have a breakthough here?!

Saget: Maybe if someone gets hit in the nuts, I can do a special edition of America's Funniest Home Videos?

Mary-Kate: I don't get it, Jodie. How come you're not, like, super skinny? When I was using Tom Brady's Visa card to cut up lines, I was totallly thin. It rocked!

Jodie: Um, guys?

Saget: Right. Right. We're here to talk about Jodie.

Dave Coulier (as Bullwinkle): This time for sure!

Stamos: Ok Jodie (tilting face towards camera), we care about you and we're here for you. We think you need some help.

Jodie: Guys, I don't have a drug problem.

Mary-Kate: No offense Jodie, but I don't think people are going to buy that you're anorexic.

Jodie: No, really, I don't have a problem. I want to act again.

Stamos, Mary-Kate, Saget: Ohhhhh.

Coulier (as Fozzy Bear): Aaaaaahhh.

Jodie: Nobody was going to give me a role just because I'm a former child star. But if I was a former child star that had a drug problem, *now * I'm newsworthy. I just saw that HBO special a few years ago, "Crank," and figured that was the "it" drug to be hooked on.

Stamos: Oh Jodie, I'm so proud.

Jodie: So....does anyone have any projects in the works that they could get me in on?

(silence)

Coulier: Hey Fox is thinking about doing "Celebrity Enemas" next season.

Saget: Mine! Mine! Mine!

Mary-Kate: Well, in about six months, I'm going to need to release a "stolen" sex tape if I still want to be a celebrity. You could be in that if you want.

Jodie: Thanks, MK, you're the best!

(group hug).