Monday, March 20, 2006

The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste

A few things I learned while watching basketball over the weekend...

The Big 10 is still a football conference. After Georgetown took apart Ohio State, the Big 10 found itself without a team in the Sweet 16. So much for being the second best conference in the country. But hey, at least they still have Purdue alive in the girls' tournament, which if you believe ESPN, is just as significant as the men's version of March Madness. Which brings me to lesson #2.

ESPN is even more shameless than Fox. I understand that ESPN has all of the television rights to the girls' tournament, and so there is the need for some self-promotion. But the amount of coverage that ESPN is giving the ladies on Sportscenter and other ESPN shows is radically disproportionate to the actual interest level in their tournament. At least when Fox did all of their promos of "House" during the World Series, there was a chance that people (and by people, I mean Peter King) would actually watch it at some point.

Old habits die hard. During the first five minutes of the UCLA/Alabama game, Jay Bilas described both Luc Mbah a Moute and Ryan Hollins as "long." As anyone who watched last year's NBA draft knows, there is no attribute that Bilas admires more than 'length.' It probably all goes back to his days in the Duke locker room.

Jay Bilas has a vagina. During one of Saturday's games he revealed that he "watched The New Adventures of Old Christine and it's really good." Now it's beginning to make sense why he's so impressed with length.

RC Cola is only drinkable with the addition of Sailor Jerry Rum. That's just a survival tip I thought I'd share.

The NBA hasn't taken all of the real centers out of the college game. At least, not while Roy Hibbert is still playing NCAA basketball. Hibbert was a dominant force (20 points, 14 rebounds, 3 blocks) in Georgetown's victory over Ohio State. The Buckeyes had no answer for him at all. He's just one of the reasons why I think Georgetown is the most enjoyable team to watch in the college game today (and this is coming from a former G'Town hater). I think Hibbert could use one more year of development in college, but I'm sure there will be plenty of agents calling him and begging him to make the leap to the NBA once the Hoyas end their run. Buckeye fans can at least be hopeful that next year, they will have their own dominating force when Greg Oden takes his one year NBA detour through Columbus, Ohio.

Redemption is oh so sweet. Early in the Pac-10 season, Washington guard Justin Dentmon was the team goat when he fouled Chris Hernandez on a 3 pt shot at the end of a game that led to a devastating loss for the Huskies. Saturday, Dentmon had a huge 4 point play that, along with some favorable officiating, keyed Washington to its come from behind victory over Illinois.

Billy Packer thinks he's the Fonz. One of the more entertaining subplots was listening to Jim Nantz goad Packer by frequently reminding him of the success that the mid-majors (Wichita St, George Mason, Bradley) were having in the very same tournament that Packer vehemently protested their being admitted to in the first place. The first three or four times, Packer just sat in silence, refusing to admit that he was wrrrrrrrrrong. Finally Packer capitulated with something along the lines of "sometimes mistaken, never in doubt." Jim Nantz then eased up and blamed the media for making a big deal out of Packer's complaints with the selection committee. As ass-backwards as that comment was, I guess he was right in a way. If Billy Packer weren't a member of the media, then those comments wouldn't have been so highly publicized. Ahhh...allow me a moment to dream of a Packer-free basketball world.

Dick Enberg is not an R. Kelly fan. In describing his displeasure with the officials' whimiscal calling of fouls, Enberg announced that, "They're letting them bump n' grind in this one."

Vision is not a prerequisite to becoming a college ref. Exhibit A- Dick Libby. He is the official that was standing right next to Pitt's Carl Krauser as he threw a punch into the midsection of a Bradley player. As anyone who watches a lot of Pac-10 basketball can tell you, Dick Libby is the NCAA equivalent of Violet Palmer- you never have any idea what he is or isn't going to call at any given time.

The SAT's will not prepare you for the college game. According to studio analysts, one of the key attributes for any successful tournament team is "bouncebackability."

UConn can barely beat a pick up team. The Huskies narrowly advanced to the sweet 16 despite playing a team that looked like a bunch of guys that Tubby Smith just grabbed off of a local playground. Kentucky's Patrick Sparks was doing his best Billy Hoyle impression, draining threes while wearing an oversized tshirt beneath his jersey. I wonder if his trash talk consisted of "I may be a chump. I just said that wasn't my name."

We need more original names for mascots. This tournament has featured the Bruins vs the Bruins, the Wildcats vs the Wildcats, and the Huskies vs the Huskies. Hopefully with those filthy Shockers advancing to the sweet 16, this will promote some more creative naming of mascots. In the future, perhaps we'll be treated to a late night matchup between the Bullwinkles and the Brunskis.

You need both hands on the keyboard to make a love connection. One of the few commercials that aired a thousand times over the weekend without completely getting on my nerves went somthing like this: "Once you've realized that masturbating on your webcam for the stranger you met on MySpace isn't the way to find your soulmate, Eharmony has all the tools you need to help you meet your perfect match in life." It's possible that I may have read between the lines a bit on this one.

This year's tournament is so entertaining, you don't need to gamble on it to make it more exciting. Ok, that one might be a lie. Look for some picks from me on Thursday, and then do what any observant gambler would do- make the exact opposite bet.

(thanks to deadspin for directing me to the pic)


At Tue Mar 21, 11:29:00 AM PST , Anonymous The Big Picture said...

Two things:

1. Jay Bilas dated a teacher i had in high school. she was pretty hot (for a teacher) and due to the fact that she dumped him, i do agree that bilas has a vagina.

2. what is Sailor Jerry Rum? that sounds unbelievable! ever had admiral nelson, the ripoff of captain morgan? that shit's bomb too!

UCLA's looking good! Congrats on the first 2 wins.

At Wed Mar 22, 05:16:00 PM PST , Anonymous Insomniac said...

From Sailor Jerry's homepage:
Distilled in the US Virgin Islands, this 92 proof spiced rum is based on the "customized" rums that sailors used to create when they had nothing better to do. Other rums are panty-waisted, soul-less (and ball-less) in comparison.">

Oh..and it's got a hawaiian chick w/ a ukelele on the label too. Can't beat that!

I haven't tried Admiral Nelson...I'll have to keep my eye out for that.


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