Going Camping

Yesterday, I made the trek out to the Dallas Cowboys' training camp facility in Oxnard to see if I could gain any insight on the team before the season starts. The main piece of insight I acquired was that if you really want to watch a team practice, don't bring a four year-old with you. However in between trips to the pro shop and the "Dallas Cowboys experience" (an area with a bunch of inflatable structures with giant stars on them), I did make it to the field from time to time. Here were some observations from Thursday's sessions:

Bill Parcells was in a lousy mood in the morning. When Julius Jones wouldn't hit the hole, Parcells told him to "take the f*cking high heels off." Later, he took Drew Bledsoe to task, telling him "needed a commander in the there." He then proceeded to give Tony Romo a lot of work.

Drew Henson is so deep in Parcells' doghouse, he might as well wear a collar instead of a helmet out on the field. Even undrafted rookie Matt Baker got more work in with the offense than Henson. If Henson is ever going to make something of his football career, he needs either to be traded or he'll have to wait until Parcells retires.

Terrell Owens participated in both practices, and I have to acknowledge that he definitely has a presence. Love him or hate him, you can't help but notice that he's the most impressive athlete on the field. He and Bledsoe hooked up on an out and up that gave a glimpse of what the offense can be...if the O-line holds up and Owens doesn't sabotage the team. Two big "if"s.

There were a handful of people requesting autographs from Mickey Spagnola. Know this: if your obsession with a team runs so deep that you'll seek out the team's beat writer for his signature, then it's time to seek help.

ESPN reporter Ed Werder walked by, and while he doesn't look like the biggest guy on tv, he's especially small in person. It makes me wonder if John Clayton is in reality a Keebler elf.

For a mere $100 at the Cowboys pro shop, you can buy a velcro shower towel with a blue stripe and the #81 down the side. If that isn't gay enough for you, the purchase also comes with an autographed 8x10 photo of Terrell Owens wearing the towel- and nothing else.

The strangest moment of the day came after practice when a few players came over to the fans to sign autographs. One guy gave reserve linebacker Junior Glymph some items to sign, and then proceeded to introduce Glymph to his daughter (who at the time I would have guessed was in her early twenties) in a manner which basically said, "you can have her if you want her." Glymph initially had a look of confusion which quickly turned to shock when the father revealed with bouncing eyebrows that "she's only 14." Glymph then took a step back and said, "I just watched Maury Povich this morning," and then moved down to another section of fans. The whole incident left me bewildered. I mean, if you are going to pimp out your underage daughter to a 275 pound linebacker, wouldn't you at least want to pick out a guy that was definitely going to make the team? The last thing you want to do is waste your jailbait progeny on a guy that ends up on the practice squad, right? That's not just bad parenting. That's bad scouting.

It was then that I decided to leave camp...as fast as humanly possible.