Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Nose Tackled

Here's a familar storyline: police get a call in the middle of the night to investigate a domestic violence claim at the home of a football player.

Here's where the story takes a twist: It's the player's wife that's being accused of abuse.

King County sheriffs were called to the home of former Patriots/Seahawks/Cowboys defensive tackle Chad Eaton Sunday night after the 6'5" lineman called 911 and reported that his wife had punched him in the nose, causing it to bleed. When deputies arrived, Eaton's wife confirmed that she did indeed punch her husband because she suspected him of cheating on her. Deputies then hauled her off to jail.

Dialing 911 because your wife punched you? I'm not sure how I feel about that. I thought that was a move reserved for David Gest, not a retired NFL tackle. I suppose if the alternatives were calling the police or punching her back, he did the right thing. But still, I can't imagine actually filing that police report. "Yeah officers, I know I'm a foot taller and outweigh her by more than 100 pounds. And yes, I used to get paid millions of dollars to absorb blows from 300 pound men. But look, I have an owie on my nose." I think I'd rather say that I fell and hit my nose on the door.

The only justification I can think of is maybe Eaton was calling police to remove his wife because he had a booty call showing up in an hour. I can only hope.

And since I have nothing else to add, here's a 3 am limerick:

There once was a man named Chad Eaton,
whose wife accused him of cheatin'.
He can't beat a block,
Or keep tabs on his cock.
So onto his nose, she went beatin'.

Thank you. Now where do I pick up my Pulitzer?


At Wed Aug 16, 11:36:00 PM PDT , Anonymous WBRS Sports Blog said...

This is a sad day in the live of Chad Eaton. All of his friends should laugh at him.

At Mon Aug 21, 01:16:00 PM PDT , Anonymous Donna said...

You people should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Domestic violence is inexcusable. It doesn't matter whether the abuser is male or female. NO ONE SHOULD BE HITTING IN A MARRIAGE!

You are probably the type of people who think it's just fine if someone "slaps their spouse around a little" (read that as TRASH!)

Any THINKING person knows that Chad did the right thing in calling the police. Don't think for one second that his wife wouldn't have if he had done anything to her. Lucky for him, he did nothing. My friend tried to stop HIS wife from hitting him in the face...he now has a criminal record for his trouble, along with sky-high legal bills (and no, he didn't hit her, or hurt her in any way.)

At Mon Aug 21, 03:24:00 PM PDT , Anonymous insomniac said...

That's really cool that you're able to get WiFi access from your high horse.

I never wrote that it's ok to hit a spouse. I'm not even sure where you got that from.


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