Spittin Some Game

So earlier this afternoon, I was thinking about Maurice Clarett and was wondering who might be the next football player to completely self-destruct, get kicked out of the NFL, and only appear on tv when he was being arrested or arraigned. My preliminary list looked like this:

Marcus Vick: 3-1
Sean Taylor: 5-1
Chris Henry: 8-1
LenDale White: 10-1

But now after reports surfaced that LenDale White instigated a brawl after he spit on a teammate in practice today, I think I need to readjust those odds. It's pretty easy to see White spraining an ankle in a pileup, then ballooning up to 280 pounds and finding himself out of the league by the end of 2007. Then it will just be a matter of time before he's pulled over at a Fatburger with firearms and a machete. In fact, Jeff Fisher might want to check LenDale's water bottle for Grey Goose next time he hits the field just to be safe...

If you haven't received your USC newsletter yet, some bullet points on the Trojans in the NFL this season include: Lendale White's hyperactive salivary glands; Manuel Wright is asking to be traded because Nick Saban is too tough on him; Matt Leinart is still in denial that he wasn't a top 3 pick , much in the same way he was in denial that Texas beat USC; and 1st rounder Mike Williams is currently working with the third string at Detroit. Quite a job Pete Carroll is doing in preparing his kids for the NFL. And yes, I am writing this out of spite of the fact that USC keeps mopping the floor with UCLA, who has had their own problem children (Cade McNown, Freddie Mitchell, Ricky Manning.)

Elsewhere in the NFL...
I watched some of the Colts/Rams game on Fox tonight. Watching preseason football is kind of like watching one of those late night infomercials for "Girls Gone Wild." You know you won't actually be seeing the goods, but there's still just enough of a tease that it's tough to change the channel. Anyway, it looks really, really strange to see Adam Vinatieri in a Colts jersey. A certain ESPN columnist may write that it's like seeing Johnny Damon in a Yankees jersey. But Damon was already a hired gun when he reached the Red Sox, having played with the A's and Royals before that. Vinatieri is such a part of the identity of the Patriots that it's really disorienting seeing him play for someone else. On the flip side, Colts fans have got to be absolutely giddy with the sight of Vinatieri lining up where Vanderjagt used to be. I'll bet Lil' Ronnie is having wet dreams coming up with a 2006-07 version for his Colts anthem. I'm pretty sure he'll rhyme Vinatieri w/ "Now we scary." Just a hunch.

The Colts started the game with an onside kick. Later on NFL Live, Sean Salisbury praised the move saying he "liked the guts" of the move by Tony Dungy. The guts? It was game 1 of the freaking preseason! Dungy could have thrown a Colts cheerleader out to kick the ball off and it wouldn't have mattered.

Lastly, back on the West coast, Chargers head coach Marty Schottenheimer issued an apology for saying in a prior press conference that Phillip Rivers will be tested "when the bullets start flying." That comment was perceived by some as insensitive during a time of war.

"I've often said if you stand in front of a microphone as many times as I do, you are invariably going to make a mistake and I made a mistake," Schottenheimer said. "But the good thing about it is I will never forget that mistake."

I can understand why he said that, but I really wish he had instead chosen these words for the press: "I know football isn't actually war. It's called a freakin' metaphor. Jesus, I thought you guys were writers- you should be familiar with the term."