Reno 911

A few quick notes just to let any friends reading this that I did come back alive from Reno.

-If you're ever in a dark, musty, run-down, poorly circulated casino at 3 am, and you decide to order the egg, sausage, and bacon breakfast for 99 cents, your next move should be to buy a long book, because you'll be spending the rest of the day on the can.

-Even considering the breakfast incident, my worst decision that weekend was getting to the casino early enough Saturday to get my college picks in. If anyone read my picks for the week, they'll notice that I went 0-6 on college. That was a first. That's so god-awful, I almost have no choice but to be proud of my achievement in idiocy.

-I'd like to send out a little F-you to Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel for trotting out the field goal team for a 52 yarder with two minutes to go and a 27 point lead. I was sure that they were just going to direct snap it to the kicker who would pooch it down to the goal-line. Nope. The ball went to the holder, and the kicker boomed it through the uprights to cover the spread. Thanks a lot, asshole.

-Which reminds me, my favorite thing about Al Michaels is that he'll always mention the betting line when it's relevant to the score of the game. Last night, as Washington was driving down to try to score a token TD in a 17 point loss, Michaels mentioned that a lot of heartbeats were racing right now, as the 27-10 score was good enough for the "under" bet, but another score would have given the "over" bettors a winner.

-Also in the Sunday Night game, who's idea was it to start a five minute videoconference with Cris Collinsworth (or anyone for that matter) during the 4th qtr of a game? Dallas and Washington have a pretty big fan base, Dallas is driving for the game clinching score, and instead of being allowed to get engrossed in the action, viewers have to hear Collinsworth espouse his opinion on the Giants/Eagles game..a game which he didn't even watch! Brilliant.

-However, the Collinsworth segment did produce this gem. His first comment about the Redskins game was that he was surprised that the Redskins didn't blitz more to put pressure on Bledsoe. Then just two questions later, he said that the Redskins couldn't take the chance to blitz because they didn't trust their corners in isolation on the Dallas' receivers. Congratulations Cris, I'm pretty sure you broke the announcing record for quickest self-contradiction in a sport commentary.

-Andrea Kramer makes Bonnie Bernstein look like a young Cindy Crawford. I walked into the room, saw Kramer in the pregame, and I wasn't sure if I was about to watch a football game or an episode of Tales from the Crypt.

-Everyone put down the Nick Saban kool-aid! It's going to kill you! Put it down now! We're also checking the Charlie Weis punch for signs of contaminants.

-Who has less of a clue what they're doing with their team right now- Art Shell and the Raiders or Jeff Fisher and the Titans? I'll take arguments from both sides, as I'm just baffled by just how hopeless both teams are after two games.

-Lastly, big thanks to Anthony, blackjack dealer at Reno Harrah's. There was a lot of good karma at your table that helped me recover from the sportsbook losses. I just wish I'd opted to stay at your table rather than go take advantage of that "great breakfast deal" across the street.