Making Soriano's Contract Seem Reasonable

ESPN is reporting that the Los Angeles Dodgers have agreed with Juan Pierre on a 5 year contract worth $44 or $45 million in real American money.

No Juan Pierre isn't some hard-throwing Cuban defector that the Dodgers just bid on. It's the same Juan Pierre that's been slap-hitting for the Diamondbacks, Rockies, and Cubs.

That sound you hear is the collective sobbing of Brett Butler and Willie McGee as they realize what kind of fortune they could have made if they'd been born a few decades later.

Oh, and that sniffle with a little whistle to it? That's Otis Nixon. All of the coke has eaten away at his septum such that when he breathes in through his nose, it's like playing a recorder.