Thursday, December 29, 2005

Slummin' It


Tired musings while I chat with Jennifer Harman at a $2/4 Hold 'Em table at fulltiltpoker.com...(my bonus code is "insomniac" by the way...)

If Peter Jackson had pushed the envelope even more and called for King Kong and Naomi Watts to have sex...and if Naomi Watts were to survive the experience and then conceive a child...I'm pretty sure the offspring would look just like Mariah Carey does now...

If you're a member of the Memphis Grizzlies, is there any way that you can take Mike Fratello seriously when you look at him in the huddle? You could abduct a munchkin from the lollipop guild, and then pee on him, and you'd end up with something that resembles Mike Fratello...

There are many things that separate the Pistons from the Lakers (example: The Pistons have a gunner that goes by "Rip". The Lakers have a gunner that goes by "Rape.") When someone for Detroit is on fire, the team will always do a good job of feeding that guy the ball. But whenever someone other than Kobe is on fire for the Lakers..well, the ball still gets fed to Kobe. Tonight, Devean George was feelin' it whenever he touched the ball. Unfortunately for Lakers fans, he just didn't get many touches because Kobe thought it was better to force up jumpers while double-teamed rather than get the ball to the hot hand...

A few days after Christmas, and the schedulers blessed us with this college hoops matchup: St. Joseph's at St. Mary's. Hopefully the announcer opened the telecast with, "Jesus, Joseph, and Mary, we've got a good one for ya tonight!"

Mike Tirico called the Alamo Bowl "the worst officiated game I've ever been a part of." The game featured Sun Belt referees who forced Michigan to use two timeouts in the 2nd half to get the replay booth to review very close plays (in college bowls, replays are summoned for automatically by the booth rather than coaches challenge). Then with Michigan out of timeouts at the end of the game, the referee let 10 precious seconds burn off the clock before signalling the ball ready for play. Finally, on the final play of the game, which was almost an unaesthetic duplication of the old Cal-Stanford game, the officials didn't throw a flag despite the fact that Nebraska had about 40 players on the field while the ball was still live. Yeah, I'd call that pretty shoddy officiating. Although if Mike Tirico had seen any of my UCLA intramural games he might realize that there are still further depths to sink...

Pete Carroll just agred to an extension of his contract with USC. Athletic director Mike Garrett wouldn't elaborate on the details of the agreement, but suffice it to say that "cheerleader orgy" appears a number of times throughout the contract...

Have you ever watched a Skinemax movie that was so bad that instead of getting turned on by nekkid chicks, you instead looked at sex as an incredibly boring, redundant, lifeless act? Rather than handing out pamphlets with misinformation, abstinence proponents should be forcing teens to repeatedly watch the sex scenes in "Bikini Roundup." They'll soon realize that there are better rushes out there than sex- and turn to drugs instead...

On the flip side of the equation, the timeless classic "Blame It On Rio" is on cable right now. That movie is still as enjoyable now as it was when I snuck downstairs to watch it on cable as a kid in the 80s. The only difference is that now that I'm older, I relate to Michael Caine's character a lot more now whenever I ogle Michelle Johnson...

Polaroid scene coming up in a minute...get the pause button on the Tivo ready....wait for it....wait for it....perfection.

Why do I suddenly have the urge to book a spring break vacation?

In the interim, Jennifer Harman has given me two "lols" and I in turn have given her half of my buy-in. Advantage: Jennifer. Time to call it a night...

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