Thursday, March 30, 2006

This Just In: Anna Benson is a Whore


Anna Benson has filed for divorce, saying that her marriage to Kris Benson is "irretrievably broken," which is whorespeak for "he's of no use to me in Baltimore." Just for review, here's the Anna Benson timeline:

Mid 1990's: Anna Benson is dancing on a pole somewhere.

1999-2004: Anna lives a wealthy, albeit anonymous life married to Pittsburgh Pirate pitcher, Kris Benson.

2005: Kris Benson signs with the New York Mets.

2005: Anna Benson appears on the Howard Stern show and makes a name for herself by discussing the Benson's sex life and announcing that if Kris were to cheat on her, she'd do every member of the Mets organization, all the way down to the groundskeeper.

Jan 22, 2006: Kris Benson is traded to Baltimore. Anna speaks more at the press conference than Kris.

March 2006: Anna Benson appears on the cover of FHM and has a featured, pseudo-topless photoset.

March 30, 2006. Anna believes she's a legitimate model and that moving to Baltimore would ruin her new career. Having sucked everything out of her husband Kris, she files for divorce.

User. Prostitute. Bitch. Whore. Take your pick, they all fit nicely. Hopefully, Kris will move on to someone better before Anna tries to crawl back to him after realizing that she was just a flavor of the month, and the only way she can be in the public eye is by appearing in a gang bang video with a bunch of dudes dressed in Mets uniforms.

3 Comments:

At Fri Mar 31, 12:19:00 AM PST , Anonymous The Big Picture said...

i bet the mets' batboy is excited!!!!

 
At Fri Mar 31, 12:22:00 AM PST , Anonymous insomniac said...

I think since Anna's the one filing for divorce, Kris should get to sleep with all of her stripper friends!

 
At Fri Mar 31, 09:44:00 AM PST , Anonymous jetsgrumbler said...

the biggest loser in the divorce has to be the baltimore press. you know they were pretty excited about having anna hand deliver stories.

 

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