I Need a T.O. Baby

This is going to have to be a quick one. I've been struggling all day after some bad hollandaise sauce this morning. I feel like Glenn "Big Baby" Davis after 5 minutes without a timeout- sweating, heaving, and just praying that I don't have a coronary. But with a bottle of Tums by my side, and a Man Show marathon on G4, I'll trudge on...

At the 18th hole of the Kraft Nabisco classic, there was a reasonable chance that either Michelle Wie or Natalie Gulbis would be making the traditional jump into the lake with a victory. But they both missed some pressure putts, and the victory went to Karrie Webb in a playoff. Fortunately, CBS was running late so they ended the broadcast before the ceremony; however I have a suspicion that had the results been slightly different, network execs would have found the extra time for either of the younger players...

Yes, I'm leading off with women's golf, because it was the only sporting event to have any great drama this weekend. Florida and UCLA both cruised to easy victories and will meet Monday night to determine who is #1 in the country. In preparation for the game, it was certainly noticed by the coaches that both schools have a conference opponent who swept them this season. Florida was 0-2 against the N.I.T. champion South Carolina Gamecocks, while UCLA was winless against the Washington Huskies. Ben Howland will certainly be studying the films from the Florida/USC games and mimic Dave Odom's game plan. Florida may try to do the same with Washington film. But hopefully, Florida will study the wrong Washington game films and end up being conditioned to commit terrible fouls at crucial points in the game.

If you needed a reason to root against Florida in the championship game, be warned that if the Gators win, many people- possibly even Jim Nantz- will be copying the headline recently seen on sportsline.com: "You Noah It." On the flip side if the Bruins win and Luc Richard Mbah a Moute ends up with the final rebound, Nantz will go with, "the Prince is King for a day." Still annoying? Sure. But certainly the lesser of two evils.

It cannot be a good sign for Bud Selig that opening night of Major League Baseball was relegated to ESPN2 by girls' basketball, a young ace was injured, and then the game was interrupted by a three hour rain delay forcing the game to conclude around 2 am eastern time. There are Greek tragedies that have had more promising beginnings than this...

In the pregame, Joe Morgan naively remarked at how surprised he was to see how much thinner Jim Thome is this season. He was then electroshocked by ESPN executives who have forbidden their analysts from alluding to steroids until after they've finished promoting Barry Bonds' new reality show...

Tomorrow is the "real" opening day of baseball. Of course, most people will be working during the day games and then watching basketball during the evening games, so viewership will likely be down. Just another stroke of marketing genius from Commissioner Selig!

At the USC pro day, Reggie Bush ran 4.33 40 yd dash, had a 40.5 inch vertical leap, and 24 reps bench pressing 225 pounds. He said he would have liked to have run a 4.29 but one of his "619" bandaids came off causing a bit of wind drag. At the conclusion of his workout, the Houston Texans had him cryogenically frozen until the end of the month when they call out his name as the #1 overall pick.

And now...girls jumping on trampolines!