Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Head Cases

So, I'm back from Vegas, and I was prepared to go into detail about all of the stupid, irresponsible things I did over the extended weekend. But then Ben Roethlisberger had to go riding his Suzuki without a helmet or license, JJ Redick couldn't avoid a DWI, and my thunder has been stolen. Suddenly, the hookers at Mandalay Bay who thought we were Arena League players or my taking on the role of "grandma wingman" and chatting up a 70 year old woman while my friend worked on her granddaughter doesn't seem so special.

A few notes from both athlete's incidents:

Rumors are that at a Durham bar last night, JJ Redick took 18 shots, however only 3 of them actually managed to sink in his mouth. The .11 he blew during his sobriety test, while over the legal limit, didn't even surpass the paltry .16 he shot against LSU in his final NCAA game. When asked for comment, teammates described Redick's actions as "a shocker." Coach K was unavailable for comment, as he prefers not to emerge from his coffin until after the harsh summer months are over.

The driver of the car that hit Roethlisberger was identified as Martha Fleishman, a 62 year old woman from Pittsburgh, ending speculation that Big Ben was actually hit by Tommy Maddox's mother. Roethlisberger was hit by a Chrysler New Yorker, which makes it the first thing wearing a "New York" emblem to hit an AFC QB in three years. The Jets are now considering signing Fleishman to a 3 year, $25 million contract. When witnesses approached Roethlisberger on the scene of the accident, he was conscious but dazed and unable to say anything other than, "Are you a Fathead?"

The best line from the Big Ben story comes from The Hater Nation: "NFL linesman Mark Hittner initially ruled that Roethlisberger’s head had not crossed the windshield, but the official changed his mind as he drew closer to the accident and as Roethlisberger had some extra time to crawl into the windshield."

Nice job, NFL Adam.


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