Tuesday, July 11, 2006

NBA Action

Sexual assault charges against Kwame Brown were dropped today after prosecuters learned that "a medical exam of the victim was reviewed and revealed no signs of forcible sexual assault."

For once, having really small, um, appendages is working out to Kwame's benefit.

In a related story, there's this excerpt from a notebook in azcentral.com:

Besides providing security, NBA bodyguards have taken on additional roles in the wake of Kobe Bryant's sexual assault case.

According to a GQ story on NBA groupies, some players are asking friends or bodyguards to stand in and watch any bedroom activities that might take place on the road.

That way, should an accusation surface, a witness can help sort out the truth. For the players, writer Lisa DePaulo points out, this "isn't just kinky, it's smart business."

As for which men the groupies most adore? They prefer the bad boys, the Allen Iverson and Rasheed Wallace types.

"We like a guy who's hard on the court," one groupie said. "I never hear women oohing and ahhing over Kobe, because he's a punk. He's soft."

Dwyane Wade?

"A cutie, but not all women are turned on by the Christian thing."

No, why settle for the Christian thing when you can screw Zach Randolph in a hotel room while Ha Seung Jin watches from a dark corner, standing motionless and smoking a cigarette?


At Wed Jul 12, 11:05:00 AM PDT , Anonymous Adam said...

That is the weirdest idea ever. Who wants to watch their friend have sex with some hot girl? I would, if the hot girl has a friend...This idea by players reminds me of the scene in Pulp Fiction when Zed rapes Bruce Willis and Ving Rhames, while Zed's friend watches in the corner. Just gross.

At Wed Jul 12, 11:46:00 AM PDT , Anonymous jetsgrumbler said...

how much would it take to get you to watch rasheed wallace have sex. it would take a lot of money for me.

At Wed Jul 12, 03:19:00 PM PDT , Anonymous insomniac said...

Yeah, I'd much rather be his middle man for pot than his camera man w/ a groupie.

At Wed Jul 12, 03:28:00 PM PDT , Anonymous JSon said...

When someone saw Eddie Griffin masturbating in his SUV, he allegedly offered them a Hummer H3 not to report him. So, the precedent has been set at $50k to watch an NBA player jerk off. You increase that proportiately with a severity of a sexual act, and I think it should pay about $150k to watch Rasheed Wallace donkey punch the hotel maid.

Wow...that's almost a MasterCard commercial there. Priceless.

At Wed Jul 12, 07:41:00 PM PDT , Anonymous Adam said...

Rather see him have sex than Popeye Jones or Sam Cassell. Wow those two guys are just ugly.

At Wed Jul 12, 11:07:00 PM PDT , Anonymous MC said...

This whole idea seemed to work well with the Vikings. Didn't it?

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