Thursday, September 21, 2006

Krispy Kremes and Ho-Hos

Thanks again to JSon for the find:

From a story on Zach Randolph acquittal on sexual assault charges: (If you don't know, Randolph was charged with getting a stripper/prostitute drunk during a private show, trying to have anal sex with her after she passed out, and then having non-consensual vaginal sex with her once she was awake. The charges were dropped after the investigation revealed conflicting testimony, the admission that the alleged victim was drunk out of her mind, and the revelation that she did have consensual sex with one of Zach Randolph's friends at the party. But the tipping point in the acquittal may have come much earlier after a move so cunning and bold, it could only have come from the Blazers' front office:

Early in the investigation, the Blazers delivered 15 dozen doughnuts to Portland police at the bureau's precincts. The team's mascot dropped off a special basketball-shaped doughnut for Chief Rosie Sizer.

Nothing engenders a police officer’s trust like a box of doughnuts. Their first option was to delivery them sizzling bacon for breakfast with a note: “Here ya go, ya fat-ass pigs!”. But instead, they thought a guy in a cuddly cat outfit with some assorted pastries would convince the police to overlook testimony and Zach’s criminal history. I guess it worked. I like the rationale – “what do you mean forced sodomy and solicitation of a prostitute – look at the kitty. Pretty pretty kitty. Are you in a better mood now? Cool. Here’s a coupon for half off your next purchase of nachos at the Rose Garden.”

If only Maurice Clarett had been travelling with some Dunkin's and getting his glaze on instead of his Goose on, maybe he'd be a free man today.


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