The Nightcap

Tonight's Nightcap is brought to you by the Colorado Bulldog. I know it's a bit of a chick drink, but I had the ingredients in my fridge, so I figured what the hell? Maybe I could float some grenadine in there and call it a Pittsburgh Pitbull? Then I could place it on a Terrible Towel napkin and sell it to Steelers fans for 10 bux. Tho I have to wonder, are there any Steelers fans who actually have 10 dollars???

The students at Duke University are still feeling the aftereffects of the lacrosse team's rape scandal. Prompted by those events, the university has banned strippers from the campus. The ban should be readily enforced since it is easy to identify a stripper at the university, as she would be the only attractive chick on campus. While they are unable to perform on campus, strippers are fortunately still permitted to dance in local clubs while telling patrons that they are really college students paying their way through school...

The SF Chronicle writers have been sentenced to up to 18 months in prison for failing to reveal their source of leaked grand jury testimony in the Balco case. Outside the courthouse, a group of sports reporters gathered and staged a rally in support of their brethren. Toss up question- which rally would have the least attractive participants: sportswriters or anti-abortionists? I don't know what the answer is, but it's a safe bet that neither group is getting laid...

The USA Womens' basketball team has proven that they can in fact do anything that the men can do, as they lost to Russia in the FIBA world championships, 75-68. In the written recap of the game, the writer explains that:
Russia took advantage of poor shooting and sloppy ball-handling by the U.S. to take a 58-38 lead after three quarters.
Poor shooting and sloppy ball-handling? Isn't that every women's basketball game?? Now the US women must play host Brazil for the bronze medal before they can return home and enjoy their normal lives of being ignored by everyone in America except David Stern and ESPN anchors...

Finally, in baseball news, an MRI revealed that Jason Giambi has a torn ligament in his left wrist. It's believed that the tear occurred when he was bitch slapping Alex Rodriguez in front of the media. While Giambi will sit out a few games, this injury is not expected to affect his training regimen, as he performs all of his injections with his right hand.