Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Steve Lavin's Deal With the Devil Has Yet to Expire

(Thanks to BruinsNation for first coming across this story...)

What is the penalty handed down by the Fates for wreaking havoc upon the fans of a storied athletic program for seven years and then using that experience to wreak havoc on sports fans everywhere by becoming a cliche factory for ESPN? Apparently, it's a crap load of cash, a luxury home and smoking hot wife. Sometimes life pisses me off.

Former UCLA head coach Steve Lavin is looking to buy a home in Brentwood or Coronoa del Mar, and as such, has put his Newport Beach home up for sale. The 4 bedroom, 4 1/2 bath home is being listed for $3,995,000. According to the listing, the home located at 1906 Port Bristol (note: I've included the address for informational purposes only. I'd hate to see anyone use this for anything untoward.) features real distressed timbers, hand molded clay roof tiles, custom wrought iron work, and Venetian plaster. Although rumor has it that while it has all of the individual components of a landmark home, Lavin was never able to piece it together into even one of the final four best houses in the neighborhood, and most brokers would annually barely put it within the top 16.

While not listed in the brochure, other features are likely to include:

- Unused, like new, custom built trophy room.
- All bathrooms equipped with hair gel dispensers.
- Wine cellar filled with unopened bottles of champagne.
- Walk-in closets big enough to hold 200 pit-stained dress shirts.

One photo from the listing shows that the bonus room was decorated with a card table. How great would it be to sit down at a poker table with Steve Lavin? You could give him every ace in the deck, and still get him to fold before the showdown.

Presumably, Lavin is selling now so he'll have time to get another home for his new wife, actress Mary Ann Jarou (pictured), who according to Neiman Marcus, he will be marrying August 17. Looking at her picture, it's obvious that Lavin still has a knack for courtship, tho it will be interesting to see how successful the marriage itself will be.

Bruin Nation's UCLA Class of 86 has his own prediction:

She's a good recruit for Steve Lavin, but four years from now she will leave him, looking disheveled and disoriented, wondering why she wasted her time with a guy who promised her the moon and only delivered cheese.

Meanwhile, fellow BN contributor Meriones has a good feel for the statement Lavin will release to the press following their divorce:

"You know, marriage is a marathon, not a sprint (1) . There's always a lot of give and take (2), and sometimes people don't always see eye-to-eye (3). In the end, there was nothing wrong with her, it was me (4). We just drifted apart (5). I will always love her (6) and we've decided that we will still remain friends (7). They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce (8) and we gave it our best shot (9), but we just couldn't overcome the odds (10). Overall, though, I wish her nothing but the best (11) and she deserves someone who can truly make her happy (12)."

Brilliant stuff, guys. That was so funny, it made me cry. Or maybe it was just remembering the Lavin era that brought on the tears. Either way, nice work.

Labels: , ,


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home