Now Being in the FBI Means Watching a Lot of ESPN

Inspired by the inanity over at ESPN, the sports scandal landscape has created its own social experiment to see which is more "Now." Each sport has its own embarrassing incident, but fans only can only feign a limited amount of outrage. So where will they choose to focus it, and how would the Worldwide Leader break this down?

Scandal #1: An NBA ref is accused of fixing games to settle gambling debts with mobsters.
Analysis: Tho the Sopranos just ended, mobsters are still very Now. Gambling scandals I suppose are retro-Now. The NBA however isn't nearly as Now as it used to be, tho it does feature some players who are very Now (Wade, Lebron) as well as some Nows of the future (Oden, Durant.)

My take: My guess is that this story will remain a distant third until the referee is named. The NBA typically does a good job keeping these things under wraps, so don't expect anything public from them unless an arrest is made. However don't be surprised if sometime in the next few weeks, Joey Crawford announces that he's going to take some time off the NBA to give some time to his other sports love, baseball, and spends a season or two as a minor league umpire.

Scandal #2: The all-time home run record will be broken in the next week or so by a player who many people presume to have used performance enhancing drugs during a good portion of his career.

Analysis: The HR record is Now, but steroids and Balco have become "Then." This scenario was actually more Now at the beginning of the season, as there were many fans rooting for Bonds to fall short of the record. But at this point, those fans have taken the mindset of one of Vick's pitbull bitches on a rape stand- it's inevitable, so you might as well try to enjoy it. Or maybe that was Bob Knight's dog.

My take: Even tho my opinion is that the Bonds story grew tiresome a year and a half ago, it will remain prominent for the foreseeable future (sorry, Pedro Gomez).

Scandal #3: Something about Michael Vick and some dogs.

Analysis: Even tho the football season is "Later," football itself is always the most "Now" amongst sports. Add into the equation man's best friend, who is Now and Forever (to anyone not named Clinton Portis), as well the aforementioned perpetually Now element of gambling which has still yet to be explored fully, and you've got a story that can only be described as the Nowiest Now there ever Was.

My take: I still think once the dog abuse furor begins to subside, the gambling angle will become more relevant. Either way, this story will be featured prominently on ESPN, for better or for worse, for quite some time.

Maybe it's time to take a break from ESPN for a lil' while. Shouldn't there be another Hooters Bikini Pageant coming up on FSN? At least over there, performance enchancers are not only permitted, they're embraced.