Saturday, December 10, 2005

Temptation Island: NFL Fever


Amidst growing speculation that he would be a prime candidate for many NFL openings, Pete Carroll made it clear in an interview with ESPN radio that he has no intentions of leaving USC.

"I'm going to have the chance to recruit eight or nine first-round draft picks. In the NFL you can get one a year. So we're really excited about the place we are, I'm happy to be here."

Now, there's the chance that he's just saying this so that his players will stay focused leading up to the Rose Bowl, but I doubt it. All of the rumors of Carroll leaving for the NFL have been manufactured by sports radio hosts that have about as much inside information as I do. They all claim that Carroll would believe that he'd accomplished all he could in college and would want another opportunity to prove himself in the NFL.

But what is really so tempting about the NFL that it's worth giving up what he's got at USC? He already makes bank. He gets all the best players in the country to come to his school. He coaches a winter sport in sunny, Southern California. And he's on the sidelines next to the SC song girls every game. Why should he leave that to coach David Carr and the Houston Texans?

It would be like if you were married to a young runway model. And not only was she beautiful, but she was also a freak in bed, a gourmet cook, and her parents lived in another country. Then you're out with your woman at a club and you see a drunk, Asian pornstar at the bar. She then asks you to dance. While there might be some temptation because you've never nailed an Asian pornstar (in fact, the last time you were with a different woman, you threw up all over her), is it really worth leaving the prime-rib making, salad-tossing model for? Not really, unless you're also really, really drunk at the time.

By the way, I am hopeful that this makes me the first person to compare the Houston Texans to an Asian pornstar. It's such a proud moment for me.

Also, if you glance at the picture with this post, there are four USC cheerleaders looking at Pete Carroll like they either want to nail him or just did. That lucky, lucky bastard.

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