Merry New Year

Well, it's the first of January, and I suppose that means it's time for some New Year's resolutions. Like everyone else, I make a list of resolutions for the year, but by the end of the first week, I've already let them all fall by the wayside. Perhaps I just haven't had the proper motivation to follow through on them. So this year, along with each resolution, I'll include a compelling reason to actually follow through on them for a change (and yes, I am a bit drunk as I write this):

Resolved: To create and stick to a budget.
Motivating factor: Perhaps I can find enough scratch to get one additional lap dance at Spearmint Rhino.

Resolved: Stop wasting money at Starbucks.
Motivating factor: There are no hot chicks at my neighborhood Starbucks. This is an easy one.

Resolved: Lose 10 pounds.
Motivating factor: It's bad enough to be the old guy at Senor Frogs on Spring Break. At the very least, I shouldn't be the old, fat guy.

Resolved: Join a gym.
Motivating factor: There's a 24 hour fitness right next to a local high school. If I hit up the gym around 4 pm each day, there should be plenty of quasi-legal eye candy on the stairmasters.

Resolved: Learn Spanish.
Motivating factor: No more language barriers in Tijuana when I want doggie style at a "massage parlor." (It turns out that "como un perro" can have many interpretations.)

Resolved: No more trips to the porn shop for videos of bisexual shemale midgets who like to urinate on shaved, three-legged baby sheep.
Motivating factor: That's so 2005.

So, that's my list for 2006. We'll see how long it lasts. Like any year it will probably be a mixed bag. I can already hear the dulcimer "baaaaahs" of the ovejas as I drift off to sleep.