Tonight's Buzz...

Tonight's entry is brought to you by Paulaner Salvator Double Bock. Paulaner...beer so strong it can help a monk get laid...

Tonight's midnight edition of SportsCenter is hosted by Michelle Bonner, who is the ESPN version of a beer goggles hire. I'm sure Michelle will do a fine job reading the teleprompter and all, but good lawd, I don't even think Stuart Scott's lazy eye would give her a second look. Is it too much to ask to have a Melissa Stark clone giving the reports on a late Saturday night?

Fantasy Baseball update: If you don't have Chris Shelton on your team, then I'm sorry to inform you that you are trailing in your league at this time. Through five games, Shelton is hitting .700 with 2 triples, 5 HR and 9 RBI. At this pace, he will break Barry Bonds' home run record* by the all star break, which will give him plenty of time to script out "Shelton on Shelton" for ESPN2 this fall...

Brett Favre just announced that his next press conference will be next Thursday from a Mississippi Piggly Wiggly where he will finally decide if he wants paper or plastic...

In NBA news: the Sixers beat the Bulls to gain the upper hand in the race to be the team to be swept in the first round by the Pistons...New Orleans was just one buzzer beater, plus 16 more baskets away from pulling off the upset in Dallas...The Cavs and Nets decided to cancel their game and settle the match by virtue of a dunk contest between Vinsanity and Bron-Bron...Even without having Superman on their team, the Nuggets were able to squeak by the Golden State Warriors...Mike Montgomery may want to contact John Calipari, Rick Pitino, or Steve Spurrier and find out the best way to return to the college ranks after flopping in the pros...In a Miami win, Shaq put up 27 points and 10 boards despite having sore nipples.