Pop Quiz

A few questions to ponder while hiding from your bookie after last night's Dallas debacle. (By the way- the best place to hide from a bookie? The Olive Garden)

After Randy Johnson missed on an inside pitch to Eduardo Perez, Joe Torre was suspended for one game. Now it's hard to imagine that Torre actually took his finger out of his nose and ordered a veteran like the Unit to protect his catcher. Johnson had to know on his own to honor the "code." So what should MLB's response be to Ozzie Guillen, who not only ordered his pitcher to hit Blalock, but demoted the pitcher who failed to do so, and said that killing a guy is the "right" way to play the game? I say a ten game suspension sends a good message. But given Bud Selig's weak backbone, I'll predict that no suspension will be handed out.

Can you imagine a fender bender between Ozzie Guillen and Bob Knight? The rage that would ensue as they argued who was at fault would be apocalyptic. That would be the greatest moment ever caught on tape. I imagine a fight to the death, ending when Guillen snaps an antenna off of one of the cars and stabs a bright red Knight through the jugular.

Which was the emptier statement released yesterday- Ben Roethlisberger's apology or Bud Selig's intolerance for HGH? While the apology may have conveyed some of Roethlisberger's feelings, I can't believe he had a hand in writing a single word of his statement. (Can you imagine Big Ben actually uttering the words "lifted by your prayers?") Meanwhile, Selig vows to eradicate HGH from the game, but has no means of testing for the substance whatsoever. Strong words, Bud.

Finally, which would be the bigger shocker- Keith Van Horn stepping up for a suspended Jerry Stackhouse and dropping 23 points and 8 rebounds or Alex Rodriguez getting a clutch extra base hit with two outs in the late innings of a close game?

Discuss.