Defending the Naked Bootleg

With two-a-days and meaningless preseason games, training camp certainly must be a draining process. But it doesn't just wear on the players. Coaches get bored too. For example, let's say you're the defensive line coach for an NFL squad. How many times can you really run a bull rush or shoulder club drill before your eyes glaze over? I'm sure as soon as practice ends, you'd have to do something to get away from it all. Maybe you'd go catch a movie? Perhaps even a trip to a gentleman's club? Or maybe, just maybe, you'd take off all of your clothes, hop in your car, and drive around town naked?

That's what Detroit Lions defensive line coach Joe Cullen decided to do. Detroit police have had the duty of arresting Cullen twice in the past two weeks. Once for drunken driving (he blew a .12), and once for indecent and obscene contact. The report on the indecency charge states that Cullen was “driving on public street without any clothes on. (NUDE).”

I've been trying to think of more commentary on this, but all I ever come up with is, "What the f*ck?!" How does this even become a consideration in someone's mind? What was his ultimate plan? Was he going to a McDonald's drive-thru to order a Big Mac and Mr. Happy Meal? Or maybe he was just driving with the windows down, felt the wind blowing through his hair, and he wondered how it might feel on his pubic hair? And aren't there some major chafing considerations with the lap belt?

Cullen however has shown contrition. In a released staement, he said:
“I would like to apologize to the Detroit Lions organization, our fans, my family and friends for any embarrassment these incidents have caused. These incidents represent a mistake in judgment on my part. I deeply regret them and have learned a valuable lesson. It won’t happen again.’’

Whew, I'm glad he's learned his lesson. I was under the assumption that most people just inately knew that it wasn't a good idea to go cruising in the buff; but apparantly, some people need that reality taught to them. Hopefully this story will prove to be a cautionary tale for those other individuals who might be unaware of notions such as common decency and self-respect.

Cullen, by the way, was previously fired from his job as an assistant at Ole Miss when he was arrested for public drunkeness. However noone from the Detroit Lions ever contacted the Ole Miss staff for a reference prior to hiring him. Boy, that Matt Millen sure knows how to pick 'em. I guess he was bored with just screwing up the Lions' roster with bad first round picks, so he moved on to the coaching staff. Mission accomplished.