The Nightcap - Celtics Fans Are Down For the Count

-"Dear ESPN Sports Gal,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. If it's any consolation, lighting himself on fire is the way he always wanted to go. Like many others, I will choose to remember Bill for the times when he was actually funny. If you can find any consolation in the wake of these events, perhaps it is this: At least now, your daughter won't be forced to play in every single rec sports league because her father was disappointed that he didn't get a son.

Yup, I am his reader.

P.S. Would you happen to have an email address for any of the Page2 editors? I understand there's now an opening."

-While Celtics' fans might be upset about losing the opportunity to draft Greg Oden or Kevin Durant, not all is lost. There's still a chance that they could use the #5 pick on Spencer Hawes and give season ticket holders the young, white star they've been longing for. Maybe he can be the next Kevin McHale (the dominant big man version, not the franchise-killing front office guy).

-Immediately after the draft lottery, ESPN analyst Jon Barry said that Portland should trade away the most coveted #1 pick in years for veteran players because the Blazers do not need to get younger. Note to self: after building an empire with underground strip clubs and dog fights catering to athletes and then buying a NBA franchise with newfound fortune, do not hire Jon Barry as your GM.

-The Washington Redskins have issued a statement apologizing for the comments made by Clinton Portis which were dismissive of the allegations that Michael Vick is facing in connection with a dog fighting ring.

"The Washington Redskins, as an organization, obviously would never condone anything related to animal cruelty," the team's statement said.

I wonder how the organization would feel about endorsing anything related to genocide? Would the REDSKINS condone that?

-The Yankees are rushing Roger Clemens along and he may actually start for the Yankees next week against the Blue Jays. But after watching Mike Mussina pitch today, I think it's Roger Clemens' pharmacist that they really need the most.

-So, a few days after Jason Giambi says that baseball should apologize to the fans for its rampant use of steroids, it's somehow leaked to a NY Daily News reporter that Giambi failed an amphetamine test within the last year. Giambi should consider himself lucky. Bud Selig wanted to have the brake fluid drained from Giambi's car, but Donald Fehr was able negotiate a simple "uppers" violation.

-Giambi has said that whatever he did use, he didn't feel like it really helped him. He would have hit the homers anyway. So um...why did he keep taking it? Did he just like to start each day with a needle in the ass? That is like me saying that I'm pretty sure the women at the club would have slept with me anyway, but I just slipped the roofies in their drinks because I heard it was the thing to do.

-Speaking of ladies that I might need an added edge with, check out the Ultimate Fan Sweepstakes over at MLB.com. The grand prize is a set of tickets to two Dodgers home games with the opportunity to meet Alyssa Milano at one of the games. Ya know, maybe I'm selling myself short. She did date Carl Pavano afterall, so maybe she isn't the most discerning chick in town. That's my kind of girl.