Monday, May 07, 2007

Sports Hangover - Steve Nash is a Bad Man

After 60 bux in pay per view fees and 24 hours of buzzed television viewing (what else can you do with leftover beer and tequila from Cinco De Mayo other than drink the remainder on Seis De Mayo?), we now know who the pound for pound champion of the world is. Here is the current rankings of the strongest men in the sports world:

1. Calvin Borel. The 5'2", 116 pound, 40 year-old jockey proved that he can beat the hell out of a horse harder than any other professional horse-whipper en route to winning the Kentucky Derby. In doing a little research (i.e. Wikipedia) on Borel, I discovered that he is currently engaged. This led to my warped mind conjuring up the image of he and his wife in the honeymoon suite with Borel adorned in his uniform and holding a riding crop. Not a pleasant way to start my week.

2. Steve Nash. There are moments when I wonder if I made a mistake in finally upgrading to a high def tv this spring, such as anytime Tom Hammond or Jeanne Zelasko appear on screen. But then something comes along like a point guard cracking his nose open with a geyser of blood pouring out and I realize it was money well spent. From the moment that Steve Nash's nose collided into Tony Parker's skull and all the through the chemicals and pressure that trainers were applying to Nash's face, I never once saw him show any expression of pain. Meanwhile, it was Tony Parker who was lying on the floor for a few minutes while trainers attended to him, and Nash actually checking on Parker initially to see if he was alright. It really illustrated the difference between Nash's Canadian hockey gene and Parker's French, um well, "France" gene.

3. George Steinbrenner. George may have just salvaged his season afterall by snagging Roger Clemens away from the Astros and Red Sox. Sure it may have cost him a prorated $28 million to do so, but the Red Sox shelled out $51 million up front for Daisuke Matsuzaka, and if I were a GM, I'd much rather have Rocket this season. Granted, the Red Sox have Matsuzaka for multiple years, but is that really a good thing?

4. Barry Bonds. I don't know if Bonds is still on anything or not. But if he does have some mystery substance, when I'm 42, I want some. Whether or not you like Bonds (or said in another way, whether you're a rational human being or a Giants' fan), you have to be impressed by a .347 batting average, .529 on base Percentage and .806 slugging percentage at any age.

5. Floyd Mayweather. I don't know if he's the best pound for pound fighter or not, but he's definitely the most elusive fighter in the world. Tactically, he may have delivered a perfect fight, but boxing fans would have liked to have seen more combinations from the new champion. Instead it was one and done. The only noteworthy thing to happen at MGM was the appearance of Jenny McCarthy ringside just a few hours after she was seen by NBC cameras at the Kentucky Derby. Craving a little face-time, are we there Jenny? Maybe she was just there to promote her latest movie, "Wieners." But I don't know why she bothered. With a cast of McCarthy, Kenan Thompson, and Darrell Hammond, this thing promotes itself.



At Tue May 08, 08:25:00 PM PDT , Blogger Zach Landres-Schnur said...

mccarthy looks Singled Out good in that pic. whoa! she should do some porn to re-jumpstart her career.


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