Thursday, October 11, 2007

The York Family Is On a Quest For Fun

After 10 years of failed efforts to build a new stadium in the toxic waste dump surrounding Candlestick Point, the Forty Niners have decided to concentrate their efforts on locating their future home near their training facility in Santa Clara. In order for the project to come to fruition, the Niners will need to utilize land that is currently owned by the Great America theme park. Unfortunately, the park opposes the move and is not cooperating with either the team or the city. However, they have indicated that they are willing to sell the park to the 49ers organization. The Niners are considering making such a move.

If the team does buy Great America, look for them to renovate some of the park to provide greater synergy between theme park operations and the football franchise. Some of the changes may include:

Joe Mountana
This old school wooden roller coaster is a timeless classic. There's nothing too fancy about this ride, but you can always count on it for some thrilling moments. While it may start slow, the final two minutes are where you get your money's worth.

Steve Young's Slingshot

Built in the shadows cast by the enormous Joe Mountana, this modern steel ride provides endless excitement with its twists and turns. With rigid shoulder harnesses that latch tightly around your back, it is the fastest ride in the park. However it's always Joe Mountana that gets put on the cover of the brochures.

Tempest Overload
Inspired by that other T.O., this coaster has the biggest drops of any ride in the park.

Jeff Garcia's Wet Adventure
This log ride takes you through an endless array of tunnels before a final climax that is sure to leave everyone dripping.

Jerry Rice's Endless Journey
While it was acclaimed to be the greatest coaster in the world at the time it was built, most visitors don't really think it offers anything different than what modern coasters provide. Where it does separate itself from other rides is that it boasts the world's longest track. Also, at the end of the journey, be sure to stop off at the arcade where kids of all ages can enjoy a game of Jerry's Dance Dance Revolution.

Alex Smith's Road to Victory
This racing project is still under construction.

The Tailgate
With a menu inspired by the tailgaters found outside Candlestick Park, this concession area sells some of the finest cheeses and wines that Napa has to offer.

The Mike Nolan Kid Zone
A great spot to take your kids, this area features old-fashioned rides that come with no risks at all. Signs remind kids to "Be like Mike. Play it safe."

Finally, when your day is over and your legs are too heavy to walk back to the parking lot, take advantage of the free courtesy shuttle. The "Bus(t) of the Future" is a zero emissions vehicle which operates in short intervals and will be driven by the likes of JJ Stokes, Rashaun Woods, Giovanni Carmazzi, and Jim Druckenmiller.

Unfortunately the Niners cheerleaders, the Gold Rush, will not be incorporated into the park as labor laws prevent the organization from paying them their usual 15 dollars a day.

Well, it might not be the greatest plan, but at least they can't do any worse than what they've done with their football team.



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