It Doesn't All Stay in Vegas

I'm back from my trip to Vegas and am now in the final stages of detox from 72 hours of drinking, gambling, and other miscellaneous nefarious activities. Like every other time that I've spent a few days in Vegas, the most difficult part is the culture shock of returning to normal society. Now anytime I drive past a hotel, I have the impulse to go in and check out the blackjack tables and cocktail waitresses. It's also really difficult to watch sports with only one tv in the room. I think I'm going to need to visit Best Buy and rectify that situation immediately. At least living in Southern California, all the women already dress like whores, so that part of the return has been seamless.

The weekend has been a bit of a blur, but there are a few things that I learned that might be of some value to the reader:

-Just because the drinks are free, that doesn't mean it's a good idea to drink Red Bull all night long. After seven hours of that, I could feel every internal organ tremoring and plotting to leap from my body if I didn't switch my choice of beverage. You know you're making bad decisions when Jack Daniels on the rocks is the safer alternative.

-Lebron James will not stop to take pictures with kids, however Carmelo Anthony is more than accomodating. I guess we can all be witnesses, we just can't photograph our encounter with King James.

-UFC fighter Tito Ortiz doesn't look nearly as intimidating in person (I saw him at Palms, I didn't go to the fight) as I would have expected. But please don't tell him I said that.

-There are two groups of people who begin to take notice if you're fortunate enough to color in some $500 chips- floor managers and hookers. Both of them will act like they're interested in giving you something for free, even tho they're actually scheming for a big payday.

-Best looking hookers this weekend were found at: 1. Palms 2. Hard Rock 3. Mandalay Bay (note- I didn't visit Wynn, Venetian, or Caesar's this trip and so were ineligible for the list.)

-The casinos are making it harder and harder to find a blackjack table with favorable rules unless you're willing to play at $25 minimum bet tables or higher. That being said, if Bree is dealing at the Hooters Casino, it would be worth dropping a hundred bucks playing 3 Card Monte for the pleasure of sitting at her table for an hour.

-This last tidbit I can only reveal in code because some of my readers are in the circle of people that can't know about this, but hopefully, you'll catch on. You know how every stripper will tell you that she's a student? Well, there's a hot, young dancer at the Spearmint Rhino in Vegas who, based upon her preferences during a very private dance, I can only assume attends Wichita State. For the record, I only acquired this information "second hand."

Now the only info I need to figure out is when I can go back.