Wednesday, December 19, 2007

It's Starting To Smell Like Old Tuna Around Here

Congratulations, Miami- the man who in his most recent draft selected Bobby Carpenter, Anthony Fasano, Jason Hatcher and Skyler Green with his first four picks is now doing the grocery shopping for your ballclub. Hold on. He hasn't changed his mind yet, has he? Maybe Mort can give us the scoop on this one? Mort? Mort?... I think Mort has hung himself with one of Chris Berman's ties.

But this hiring isn't bad news for everyone. Keyshawn Johnson now has a spot waiting at wide receiver again (you'll know it's true when he denies it on tv). Maurice Carthon can get his old coordinator job back (maybe even head coach!), even if he doesn't know how to "coordinate," per se. This also works out for the Dallas Cowboys, as they are now looking to sign Richie Anderson so they can package him with Terry Glenn and Jason Ferguson as part of an offseason deal for Miami's #1 overall pick. If Parcells were to agree to give up the #1 pick to Dallas so they could acquire Darren McFadden, it would be the 2nd best contribution he'll have made to the organization. The best thing he did for that team was leaving it.

The good news for Dolphins fans is that this team has nowhere to go but up. If they're really lucky, maybe Parcells can somehow convince Scott Pioli (his son in-law) to leave the Patriots and join him in Miami. This would have a double impact of giving Miami a really good personnel guy while weakening their conference rival. Heck, maybe Miami can get New England's "videographer" too?

Parcells' tenure in Miami should play out in one of two ways. The likely scenario is that Miami continues to struggle for the next two years, and Parcells retires once again, citing health reasons or a need to spend time with his family. But if Miami actually shows a substantial improvement over the next two years and appears to be on the brink of being a bona fide contender, then expect Parcells to fire whoever the head coach is so that he can assume the reins of the team just as they're peaking.

In other words, he'll do exactly what Pat Riley did with that other Miami team.

Sorry Miami, but I think can consider yourselves sucked.



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