Punch Drunk

Just a sampling from a very busy day in sports while I watch to see if Fernando Vargas becomes the first boxer to actually have his eye explode on live tv...

Unfortunately, the Bobcats/Suns game was nowhere near my radar today, and so I never once flipped over to see any the scoring frenzy from Phoenix. I should have known better since Phoenix basketball is some of the most entertaining in the league. They're the Indianapolis Colts of the NBA. But like the Colts, fans can expect Phoenix basketball to come to an end in the 2nd round of the playoffs. Some of the statistical highlights of this game:
Charlotte scored 74 points in the first half.
The two teams combined for 257 points in regulation.
Shawn Marion scored 31 points and snagged 24 rebounds.
Phoenix scored 40 points in the 3rd quarter alone.
Point guard Raymond Felton scored 31 points (most by a rookie this season) while only dishing out 3 assists.

Bernie Bickerstaff summed it up best by saying, "Seventy-four points at the half -- that's like being at the South Pole for us."
Actually, I have no idea what that means. Maybe Bernie's saying that he had no clue what the hell was going on. In that case, I suppose it would be like being at the South Pole for Bernie...or the North Pole...or anywhere in-between...

The San Diego State Aztecs secured at least a tie for the regular season title in the Mountain West by defeating New Mexico, 73-66. Brandon Heath led the Aztecs with 32 points, including eight 3-pt shots. The Lobos have a forward named Joel Box (pictured) who looks like Alex Rodriguez, but with an extra 50 pounds. He started out on fire, scoring 14 points and grabbing 10 rebounds in the first 15 minutes of the game. But just like A-Rod, he fell apart down the stretch, scoring only 3 points in the decisive second half. No word on who Box will be representing in the WBC...

Friday night, Creighton beat St. Louis University 11-2 in college baseball. Reliever Pat Venditte pitched a perfect 7th for Creighton and hasn't given up an earned run yet this year. What makes Venditte remarkable is that he's a switch-pitcher. In the same outing, he will throw both left-handed and right-handed depending on the strengths and weaknesses of the opposing hitter. This act alone qualifies Venditte as the most exciting thing ever to happen in Omaha, Nebraska...


Michelle Wie already has over $8 million in endorsements from Nike, Sony, and Omega, but Saturday she earned her first paycheck from actually playing golf. Her 3rd place finish in the Fields Open netted her $73,227. Not a bad weekend in Hawaii for a 16 year-old girl. ESPN writer was so enthralled by the performances of teenagers Morgan Pressel and Michelle Wie, that now he wants to get them drunk.

Pressel is hard not to like. She barrels through her swing like Lee Trevino, barks at her ball in flight, and waves her club in frustration even after good shots. She's the kind of player you want to have a beer with -- in four years, of course.
Wie? She was the finest of wines Saturday, smooth and memorable and finishing crisply.

Hey, I make inappropriate comments about girls a decade younger than me too. I'd also like to see Natalie Gulbis win a tournament just in the hopes that she'll jump in a pond and come out nice and wet. Maybe there's a spot for me at espn.com yet...