My Obligation

I've been informed that if I don't make any Super Bowl predictions, I am no longer allowed to have a sport's blog. So here's a brief forecast:

Many people have pointed out the curse of the Super Bowl loser (this century, no loser of the Super Bowl has followed up the next season with more than 8 wins), hence dooming the Seahawks to mediocrity. But fear not, Seattle fans, for your team has found a loophole. The Seahawks, you see, don't know that they lost the Super Bowl last year. They've granted themselves some sort of delusional title, which they are now trying to defend. And defend it they shall. In turn, if the Seahawks are the imaginary winner, than the Steelers must have been the loser. It's the boys from Pittsburgh, therefore that will have fewer than 9 wins and miss the playoffs...

AFC West:
Denver: 12-4
San Diego: 8-8
Kansas City: 7-9
Oakland: 4-12

AFC North:
Cincinnati: 12-4
Pittsburgh: 8-8
Baltimore: 8-8
Cleveland: 6-10

AFC South:
Indianapolis: 13-3
Jacksonville: 9-7
Houston: 4-12
Tennessee: 3-13

AFC East:
Miami: 12-4
New England: 11-5
NY Jets: 4-12
Buffalo: 3-13

NFC West:
Seattle: 12-4
St. Louis: 9-7
Arizona: 6-10
San Francisco: 5-11

NFC North:
Minnesota: 10-6
Chicago: 9-7
Detroit: 7-9
Green Bay: 4-12

NFC South:
Tampa Bay: 11-5
Carolina: 10-6
Atlanta: 9-7
New Orleans: 4-12

NFC East:
NY Giants: 10-6
Dallas: 10-6
Philadelphia: 9-7
Washington: 7-9

Playoffs:
Wild Card: Den over Jax, Cin over NE, Car over NYG, Dal over Min
Divisional round: Cin over Ind, Den over Miami, Sea over Car, Dal over TB
Conference Games: Cincinnati over Denver; Seattle over Dallas
Super Bowl XLI: Seattle over Cincinnati
-The Seahawks are your back to back champs...Deion Branch is MVP!

...For the record, my confidence level in these picks hovers around 5%. Of course this won't stop me from putting some cash on a few futures bets. (Cincy to win AFC at 11-1 looks awfully appealing....Well at least something in Cincy is looking really appealing right about now. The pictured Bengals cheerleader is Tiffany. In her bio, she lists Anchorman as her favorite movie, which should make her an immediate Deadspin favorite. Later, she is asked: "Person I would most like to meet and why." Her answer is Kelly Ripa.)