Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Baseball Is Most Exciting When It's Not Being Played

Where were my readers last night to warm me that a small Lakers lineup of Farmar, Fisher, and Kobe could take a 12 point deficit and turn it into a tie game in just a minute and a half? I've taken enough losses to know not to start counting my money before the final buzzer sounds, but that was brutal. A few more games like that and my kneecaps will look Adam Morrison's. Oh well, I won't focus on the things I don't have- like say, money- and instead concentrate on the things I do have- such as an extensive collection of Lucy Pinder pictures to refer to when With Leather is having trouble making an ID of a random bikini pic.

Elsewhere in the sports world, the baseball offseason is actually more interesting than the World Series was.

Padres CF Mike Cameron has been suspended for 25 games as the result of failing a second test for an illegal stimulant. He of course says that it must be the result of taking a tainted supplement. Why can't I ever get any roids or an extra jolt out of my Vitamin Water? And what is up with San Diego athletes and tainted supplements? Maybe they should stop buying their "supplements" at the pharmacias on Avenida Revolucion in Tijuana.

In a related story, Tony Gwynn says that his enormous weight gain is also the result of tainted supplements. He thought he was taking giant, chewable vitamins. It turns out that they were cheeseburgers.

In an interview with the Denver Post, Rockies owner Charlie Monfort claimed that his team was better than the Red Sox, insisting, "You give us 10 games against them, we'll beat them six." Damn. It's a shame that the WS isn't a best of 10 series, because the Rockies were just about to rip off six in a row. By the way, what would happen if a best of 10 series ended in a 5-5 tie? Maybe Selig would award the world championship to the team coming from the league that had the lowest pitch count in the All-Star game.

Monfort also thanked his players for their performance, saying "They've brought credibility back to the franchise, not that we ever lost it."

Other statements from Monfort may include:

"This Rockies team proved that God is alive and well, not that He ever really needed any proof."

"I'd like to thank Viagra for giving me a full, rigid erection, not that I ever needed Viagra in the first place."

While noone is confirming the NY Post story, it appears that Joe Torre is headed to Los Angeles to manage the Dodgers. Upon hearing the news, Dodgers reliever Scott Procter went ahead and called Dr. Frank Jobe to schedule his Tommy John surgery for July of 2008.

Overall, the role of the manager is probably overrated, but one thing Joe Torre has is experience in situations that the Dodgers need to be in. I'm not referring to managing in the World Series. I'm more interested in his ability to take a hitter who can't hit worth a lick and sit him on the bench for the majority of the season, despite the fact that the hitter is collecting a giant paycheck andis virtually untradeable. If Torre can do that with the slap-hitting, no-walking, noodle-armed Juan Pierre then maybe the Dodgers can go places, afterall.

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At Thu Nov 01, 11:33:00 AM PDT , Blogger ~ Wayne said...

Wayne's Rule #1 of Sports blogging
Thou shalt not insult Tony Gwynn ever EVER. He is untouchable. Even if he turns out to have bet on every padres game or have as many illegitimate children as Steve Garvey.
Shame on you :-)

At Thu Nov 01, 12:33:00 PM PDT , Blogger insomniac said...

Hey, I grew up a Gwynn fan too, and if he ever needs a driver for the forklift that carries him to and fro, I'm there for him.


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