Every Time Matt Ufford Touches Himself, He Makes A Mess Of Everything

The cover of Sports Illustrated and EA's Madden have long been the kiss of death for a sports figure. One moment you're the center of attention and the next, your career is in ruins. It's beginning to look like we can add another media group to the list. Lately, finding yourself featured on With Leather has been a jinx in its own right.

First, Allison Stokke was featured on the site- and a few months later, she had gained a fresh fifteen at Cal. Then, the site spent an inordinate amount of time focusing on the frequently exposed bum of Nereida Gallardo; and after a few weeks, she was broken up from her boyfriend soccer player and goldmine, Cristiano Renaldo. Then Monday, WL wrote a post featuring former Miss Teen California finalist Tiffany Michelle, the only remaining female in the World Series of Poker main event. Within hours, she was eliminated.

It appears that the voodoo is getting more powerful over time. It seems like every person who Matt Ufford masturbates to immediately becomes cursed. This spells trouble for the likes of Scarlett Johansson, Keeley Hazel, and of course, your mom. (Oooh...retro 80's burn).