Today We Celebrate Our Independence Day
As any average American citizen knows, it was on this day in 1776 that George Washington beat King George in a hot dog eating contest to secure our independence from the British. So, go out and celebrate like our forefathers would: by eating and drinking to excess, discharging a few firearms, and then maybe hitting up an Indian casino to cap things off.
What a country. I almost feel as proud as these folks did (wow, was that really almost 20 years ago? Kids, never grow old. Trust me on this one.)
Happy 4th, y'all.
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