Never Graduate

Thanks to Bruins Nation for reminding me of this:



Happy Halloween.

Baseball Is Most Exciting When It's Not Being Played

Where were my readers last night to warm me that a small Lakers lineup of Farmar, Fisher, and Kobe could take a 12 point deficit and turn it into a tie game in just a minute and a half? I've taken enough losses to know not to start counting my money before the final buzzer sounds, but that was brutal. A few more games like that and my kneecaps will look Adam Morrison's. Oh well, I won't focus on the things I don't have- like say, money- and instead concentrate on the things I do have- such as an extensive collection of Lucy Pinder pictures to refer to when With Leather is having trouble making an ID of a random bikini pic.

Elsewhere in the sports world, the baseball offseason is actually more interesting than the World Series was.

Padres CF Mike Cameron has been suspended for 25 games as the result of failing a second test for an illegal stimulant. He of course says that it must be the result of taking a tainted supplement. Why can't I ever get any roids or an extra jolt out of my Vitamin Water? And what is up with San Diego athletes and tainted supplements? Maybe they should stop buying their "supplements" at the pharmacias on Avenida Revolucion in Tijuana.

In a related story, Tony Gwynn says that his enormous weight gain is also the result of tainted supplements. He thought he was taking giant, chewable vitamins. It turns out that they were cheeseburgers.

In an interview with the Denver Post, Rockies owner Charlie Monfort claimed that his team was better than the Red Sox, insisting, "You give us 10 games against them, we'll beat them six." Damn. It's a shame that the WS isn't a best of 10 series, because the Rockies were just about to rip off six in a row. By the way, what would happen if a best of 10 series ended in a 5-5 tie? Maybe Selig would award the world championship to the team coming from the league that had the lowest pitch count in the All-Star game.

Monfort also thanked his players for their performance, saying "They've brought credibility back to the franchise, not that we ever lost it."

Other statements from Monfort may include:

"This Rockies team proved that God is alive and well, not that He ever really needed any proof."

"I'd like to thank Viagra for giving me a full, rigid erection, not that I ever needed Viagra in the first place."

While noone is confirming the NY Post story, it appears that Joe Torre is headed to Los Angeles to manage the Dodgers. Upon hearing the news, Dodgers reliever Scott Procter went ahead and called Dr. Frank Jobe to schedule his Tommy John surgery for July of 2008.

Overall, the role of the manager is probably overrated, but one thing Joe Torre has is experience in situations that the Dodgers need to be in. I'm not referring to managing in the World Series. I'm more interested in his ability to take a hitter who can't hit worth a lick and sit him on the bench for the majority of the season, despite the fact that the hitter is collecting a giant paycheck andis virtually untradeable. If Torre can do that with the slap-hitting, no-walking, noodle-armed Juan Pierre then maybe the Dodgers can go places, afterall.

You Know Who Else I Missed? My Bookie.

Can someone explain to me why Houston is only a 5 point favorite at the Lakers tonight? The Lakers are a mess while they wait to see what they can get for Kobe. Lamar Odom is still out while he recovers from shoulder surgery. The second scoring option for the Lakers is probably Derek Fisher. How is the crowd going to respond to the Kobe situation? Among the few people that go to Staples for the game rather than to be seen, there will be anti-Kobe and anti-management contingencies. Either way, that's a bad vibe.

If this were a 1st round playoff game, I'd be concerned about TMac handling his business. But in the regular season, he and Yao should dominate.

Someone talk me out of this bet. What am I missing?

There's Gold In Them Thar Hills

Sunday, I went up to the Bay Area to catch the Saints play at the 49ers. When I got the tickets before the season started, I thought it would be a marquee matchup. As it turns out, the Saints have been an early disappointment (although in their weakened division, they're still very much in the thick of things) and the Niners are looking to keep the Patriots dynasty alive with a top 5 draft pick, as NE owns SF's pick next year. Both teams went into the game with identical records, so one might have anticipated it to be an evenly matched game. As most of you know, it was a blowout.

But while the game itself wasn't very entertaining, fans at Candlestick - sorry, Monster Park - still had plenty to cheer about. It was the weekend before Halloween, and at halftime, the Gold Rush Girls chose to honor that glorious Holiday by changing from their revealing cheer outfits into revealing costumes. As I've written before, I love when cheerleaders wear costumes because they are fulfilling the role of two fantasies simultaneously: Cheerleader/Nurse, Cheerleader/Cowgirl, Cheerleader/Alice in Wonderland (don't judge me). Fortunately, I brought my camera with me. I just wish I had one w/ a better zoom. Here are some pics from the game. Any inclusion of actual players is purely incidental:







Boy, I sure did miss football.

I Just Needed a Refresher Course

Through the years, I've overindulged in many vices and diversions- poker, the stock market, porn, etc. - only to find myself overdoing it and eventually burning out. But through it all, one thing remained a constant joy. Sports. I've loved sports for as long as I can remember and could never get enough of it. Then a few weeks ago, the strangest thing happened to me. I actually got burned out on sports. It was a very disorienting and unsettling feeling.

So, as you have seen, I took some time off from the site. I spent that time doing the things that a responsible adult might do. I read a few books, spent more time with the family, and when I did surf the net, I went to actual news sites rather than sports. I stimulated some neurons that had been hibernating for a long, long time. And while that was a very satisfying and rewarding experience, as the days went on, I found myself missing the site. I missed having the outlet to make juvenille jokes about immature athletes. I missed the comradarie with other writers on the net. I missed having the excuse to surf the net for pics of coeds in various states of undress.

Fortunately, I didn't actually lose all that many readers since the majority of my hits come from people google searching for wet tshirt, erin andrews or louisville cheerleader pics. I think there have only been a handful of people who actually sought out this site for my commentary (Hi, Mom!). To those people, I apologize for the absence. To the rest- well, here ya go, you pervs.