Seattle Not Feeling So Super

I spent most of the day either on a plane or in a rental car as I had to do some last minute travelling. During my trip, I got a nice picture of the sense of resignation in Seattle when my plane landed at Sea-Tac and the gay, Southwest flight attendant got on the intercom and announced:

"Welcome to Seattle- home of the Oklahoma City Super Sonics."
(And yes, all of the "s" and soft "c" sounds were lisped...not that there's anything wrong with that.)

On the bright side, at least the Sonics' imminent departure gives Seattle fans something to complain about besides the Super Bowl.

While I didn't really catch any sports today, I did hear on the radio that the Yankees acquired Bobby Abreu and Cory Lidle from the Phillies in exchange for minor league players and major payroll relief. Since Steinbrenner is able to print money, this deal obviously is low risk for the Yankees. Besides, I have a hunch that Abreu will see a resurgence in his numbers after a few weeks with Jason Giambi's trainer...

What Might Have Been

I spent the evening watching, "You, Me, and Dupree" (review- movie: C-, Kate Hudson's ass: A+) and afterwards went to Borders to look at some football preview magazines. While there, I noticed the book: Playboy Interviews: They Played the Game, a compendium of old PB interviews with various athletes. With masochistic curiosity, I had to check to see if the most heartbreaking interview I'd ever read was included in this volume. Not surprisingly, it was. In either a 1992 or 1993 interview, Michael Jordan reflected on his days playing high school ball and revealed:

"I always wanted to go to UCLA. That was my dream school....But UCLA never recruited me."

It still stings as much to read that line now as it did 13+ years ago. Only this time, I didn't even have a naked centerfold to help ease the pain.

Looking at what Jordan did for the Tar Heels program in the early 80s, it's hard not to wonder what that decade might have been like for the Bruins had UCLA coaches given Jordan some love. Luckily, Borders doesn't make you buy the book once you've soaked it with your tears.

The Nightcap

Tonight's Nightcap is brought to you by candy apple martinis. Because it takes a real man to order a chick drink...

Floyd Landis renewed claims of his innocence when it was revealed that his testosterone levels weren't really abnormal afterall. They were just high compared to what the average French man is used to.

Michelle Wie is one shot behind Karrie Webb in her pursuit of her first LPGA victory. Wie will be the last one to the tee this morning in a threesome that includes Webb and (yikes) Laura Davies. There's certainly no doubt as to who would be the man in that threesome. This grouping is a disappointment to middle-aged men everywhere who in order to ogle the underaged Wie must endure the human erection-killer, Laura Davies, sharing the screen. Tho some might use the line during trash talking, it would actually just be a casual observation if Davies were to tell her opponents, "I've got chunks of girls like you in my stool."

By the way, the ladies' tour still has a long way to go when the final round of a tournament is marginalized to the Golf channel- and tape delayed as well. Why can't David Stern buy the tour and force the networks to cover the ladies that stand over the tee, rather than his current group of ladies who stand to pee?

Of course, if the LPGA did start getting some network coverage, the obvious choice for lead announcer is Harold Reynolds.

Lastly, have you seen the DirecTv commercial where Peyton Manning is audibiling at the line and then tells the viewers if they had Sunday Ticket, they could switch over to watch his brother Eli play instead? I just noticed that in that promo, Indy is leading 28-3 in the 4th with just over two minutes to play. But Peyton audibles out of a run and passes the ball for a touchdown, showing that even in his commercials, Peyton is padding his stats in a blowout!

Those French Have a Different Word for Everything

After two rounds, Michelle Wie is currently tied for the lead of the Evian Masters at 9 under par. All of the hard work and sacrifices- enduring the relentless media, the frequent travelling, and missing valuable hours of school to compete on tours- is finally paying off. So what does Michelle Wie think was the difference in these first 36 holes that has propelled her to the top of the leaderboard?

"I just played more smart," said Wie.

Did I mention that she's missed valuable hours of school?

These next two days are going to be more hard for Wie. But if she can play more sharp, she just might pull off her most great achievement as a golfer thus far.

Most good of luck, Michelle.

LiveStrong

I almost couldn't bring myself to submit a post tonight. I was still feeling too much pain and anger from today's announcement that Floyd Landis had failed his drug test. After falling for the feelgood story of the year (well other than the autistic ballhog draining threes), I wanted nothing to do with Floyd and his cheating ways. I tore down all of my Floyd Landis posters and threw them in the trash. I smashed my Landis bobblehip doll up against the wall. But just when I was about to write "Return to sender" on my case of Floyd Landis beer cozies, I heard some encouraging words. Floyd Landis was on the radio and he was proclaiming his innocence. This false positive could have just been the result of some legal treatments or supplements that he was taking. It seems that the actual culprit is a vitamin B shot that he got from Miguel Tejada.

What a relief.

Blog Report

I was playing a lot of poker over at Hollywood Poker today. A lot. (Come and get me, feds!) I switched from Full Tilt to Hollywood in part because I was ice cold over at FT and needed a change of scenery. But I was also intrigued by the fabulous list of C- to B+ celebrities on the Hollywood Poker roster: Kelly Hu, John O'Hurley, Neil Patrick Harris, Kato Kaelin and the immortal Vince Van Patton are just a few of the "celebrities" who are signed on board to play at invitationals. Plus if you earn 50,000 reward points, you can challenge a celeb to a heads up match. Since I'm in LA anyway, my goal is to challenge NPH to a game and then see if afterwards he wants to pick up some trim at a strip club. (The Doogie line always works on strippers.) Laaaapdaaance.

Anywho, my tables were pretty slow, and all that time on the laptop also gave me ample time to catch up on the world of sports according to bloggers. Here's some of what they had to say:

The Hater Nation discussed the freefall of Alex Rodriguez' career:
Congratulations to Yankees fans who have taken Alex Rodriguez from the best player in baseball to the second coming of Kevin Maas and Hensley Mullens. Great job, guys. A-Rod will go down in Yankees history as the biggest loser since Don Mattingly.

The good people over at Bruins Nation are pretty excited that UCLA has landed the #2 prospect in the class of 2007, 6'9" center Kevin Love:
People across America's college basketball landscape (who follow the sport religiously (cough*UNC fans*cough)) are finding out how the sleeping giant is awake and roaring in Westwood. We dominated this sport under Wooden, and Coach Howland is putting us in position to make our mark again.
-In his announcement, Love invoked the names Bill Walton and Lew Alcindor. Any UCLA fan should certainly be excited about the Bruins landing a top recruit who also has an appreciation for UCLA's history. I, however, am a little concerned that he's only 6'9" (tho I have to figure he'll be moved to power forward), and that he's, gulp, white.

Over at The Big Picture, Zach details the best trade the Royals have made in a decade:
The White Sox acquired Kansas City closer Mike MacDougal Monday in exchange for technology that will erase any memory of KC's season.
-Now if only their fans can get their hands on that technology. Sorry, I forgot. There are no Royals fans anymore.

WBRS Sports Blog did a great job in finding Jared Weaver's MySpace page, where they found a little insight into what makes him so successful:
The key to Weaver's amazing success on the Major-League level? Sacrifice. Specifically, Weaver is so dedicated to improving his skills on the diamond that he has given up reading. This isn't a new phenomenon though, rather Weaver has resisted the temptation of literature since he was born. What discipline...
"Books: The only one i even remember reading is Of Mice Of Men in 10th grade not a big fan of books..."
-I'd also recommend that Jared avoid picking up a Baseball Encyclopedia, lest he discover that his brother Jeff once looked like the next big thing too, only to completely self-destruct soon after.

At Complete Sports, Twin15 has handicapped the odds for the Heisman trophy. However he still hasn't told me where his offshore account is so that I may give Troy Smith a run. (Post for entertainment purposes only, of course.)

Fire Joe Morgan did not disappoint. Ken did a tremendous job in breaking down Morgan's chat, blow for blow. There are too many great lines to pick just one. Just do yourself a favor and read the entire post. My only complaint, which is more with myself than Ken, is that he uses stats which I'm not familiar with; meaning that Joe and I now have something in common. Sigh.

The Mighty MJD makes a Blazing Saddles reference in his commentary about a jockey who headbutt his horse. I'll always link to a Blazing Saddles line. Afterall, the Insomniac is only pawn in game of life.

Finally the commenters at Deadspin have been on fire lately. My favorite post of the day was an open discussion of the new NFL broadcasting team for the NBC booth in upcoming Sunday Nights. The in-studio team includes Bob Costas, Cris Collinsworth, Sterling Sharpe, Jerome Bettis, and Peter King. In the booth are Al Michaels and John Madden. Here's what some readers had to say about that cast:

Wes Mantooth says: Happy with the group....except Collinsworth. Why this guy is so well liked I have no idea. At least he scares off the crows from the set....

Phatty says: I think the part that angers me the most is that the idiotic ESPN crew on Monday nights is going to be the last announcers I hear every week. Theisman makes me want to stab my eardrums out.

Big Daddy Drew says: Oh, Peter King will be on the show! Oh, thank God! I was worried no one there would talk about Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and Brett Favre. What a relief! I'm also glad because Peter gives us in-depth hunches like, "I think Peyton's gonna have a huge year. Just a gut feeling." I need to know shit like that!

Hercules McAwesome says: What's going to happen if Jerome has to call a game from Detroit? You know, he's from there. Has that ever happened before? Has a person once played a game in their hometown, then later, in a secondary career, also worked there? I don't have the number for Elias Sports Bureau, but I'm hoping that at some point, someone on NBC makes mention of the fact Jerome is: (1) from Detroit, (2) there is an American football team based in Detroit, (3) that someone makes the connection that Jerome is from Detroit AND PLAYED FOOTBALL AS WELL! Then we'll get down to some real learnin' about Jerome, Detroit, and football. Maybe Madden will do some crazy telestratin' about it!

Johnny LaRue says: Forget those tales of how tough it is to get a triple macchiato in the Denver airport, I just hope P. King lets us all know how his second daughter's JV lacrosse team is faring back in NJ. Now that's good writing, Dickie. Is SI paying you by the word again?

...Great stuff by everyone. Thanks for giving me an entertaining way to pass the time while I got myself 1/50th of the way towards getting some burgers with Neil Patrick Harris. Keep up the great work. As a reward, here's a bonus Kelly Hu pic. (I highly recommend clicking the thumbnail for a larger version.)

Odalis the Grouch

A few weeks ago, after giving up an extra inning, game-winning home run to Albert Pujols, Odalis Perez complained to reporters that he had been "treated like trash" by the Dodgers. Rather than respond to that comment, the Dodgers organization has shown Odalis what it really means to be treated like trash.

They just traded him to the Royals.

Vintage Joe

Wow, Joe Morgan was in rare form today during his ESPN chat (full transcript here- Insider subscription required). So many of his responses were either self-contradicting, avoiding the question, or just plain stupid. Here's a sampling:

Bobby (VA Beach,VA): Who do you think will be this years NL MVP?

Joe Morgan: That's tough. We're not there yet. Pujols has led his team. The Mets have the best record, so you have to look at their best players. We're not there yet where you can name the MVP yet.

I hate when any analyst does this. It's part of your job to speculate on the future. Of course we're not there yet, that's why the question included the phrase "will be." You can use the caveat, "If the season were to end today..." if it will make you feel more comfortable, but don't just avoid the question because you're uncertain of the answer. This is even more annoying because later Joe has this exchange with a reader.

Jack (NH): Morning Joe. Why doesn't major league baseball extend the trading deadline to Aug. 15th or 31st so it's easier to determine the buyers and sellers?

Joe Morgan: You sound like a GM. They've been pushing to get the deadline back. If they pushed it back that far, then they would want to push it back even farther. They get paid to make the decisions, so make the decisions.

And you get paid to make uncertain, erratic predictions about the future, so make predictions! Also, while I'm personally not in favor of pushing the deadline back any further, it's because I think teams should go to the playoffs with players that have been with the organization for a majority of the season. It's not because I think that if you were to extend the deadline to Aug 15, you're somehow opening the door for the deadline to be extended to Oct 1.

Chad (NY): Do the Mets need to make a move in order to make it to the WS?

Joe Morgan: They need a fourth and fifth starter. They need a veteran pitcher. That's why they acquired El Duque. They need one more pitcher that can fill that role.

The Mets have the NL East on lockdown, so we know they're going to the playoffs. Since when do you need a fifth starter once the playoffs start?

Tony Martos Boston, Mass: Given David Ortiz's offensive proweless this year and Boston's current lead in the AL East. Do you feel Ortiz is a legitimate clear choice this year for AL MVP as long as the Red Sox win the division?

Joe Morgan: I don't think he's a clear choice. Last year, if I would have had a vote last year, I would have split it with him and A-Rod. He's a DH. Guys that play every day, make no doubt about it, help the team more. I think Ortiz is different than any other DH, because he's also the leader of the team. Guys rally around him. Normal DHs, I say no. I think what seperates him is that he's the leader of that team.

David Ortiz *does* play every day, as do most DHs. He got his DH/defense argument confused with his pitcher/every day player argument. It's amazing that he hasn't yet confused his mouthwash with Liquid Drano.

Jeff (Texas): Would Prior or Woods benefit from a shift to the bullpen? It should be less stress on their arms only throwing 70 innings a year.

Joe Morgan: They tried to do that with Wood and they sent him to the bullpen. It's very difficult to throw every day with him. It sounds like a good idea for him, to be honest with you. Just use him for a while, and then go back to starting.
I have no idea what he said or was trying to say.

The Fire Joe Morgan blog is going to have a field day with this one. In fact, I think they already have. I see that "Ken Tremendous," a regular contributor to the blog has gotten a question in today.

I can't believe this guy is the lead commentator for ESPN baseball while Harold Reynolds has been fired. Unreal. When is Deadspin going to get that MLB contract?

ARod's Feeling Pretty Again

Last night, Alex Rodriguez broke out of an 0-11 slump by getting two hits, driving in a run, and playing a rare error-free game in the field. After the game, ESPN's Erin Andrews interviewed ARod about playing through the slump, and this is what he had to say:

"You can't control people. ESPN and other networks they want to do like a wedding anniversary because you struggle for a week."

Nice work, ARod. Nothing will put an end to those "ARod can't man up" comments like a random marriage/party analogy. He may as well have said the reason he'd been struggling is because he'd been feeling really bloated last week. Then, he could have asked Erin Andrews if she wanted to go shopping with him for some blue lipstick and a new purse after the interview.

The Gag Has Been Removed

This site was getting spammed like crazy over the last week, so I decided to change the template to try to adjust the way comments were left. Unfortunately, I ended up disabling comments altogether. Oops. It looks like everything has been resolved now so that commenting has been restored to its previous state. So feel free to drop on by and say a word or two. And if you need a link for viagra online, sex toys, or bearded dragon info, this site is here for you too.

Five More Years of Pain

Sorry for the lack of updates over the weekend. I think I'm still in shock that UCLA just gave football coach Karl Dorrell a new five year contract. While some might see the new contract as a sign of committment to the direction of the program, it looks to me like a sign of resignation in their crosstown rivalry against the USC Trojans. While the Bruins did go 10-2 last year, five of those victories required last minute combacks and could have easily been losses. More telling, they were humiliated in their losses, which included a 66-19 drubbing at the hands of USC. In his three seasons as head coach, Dorrell is 0-3 against USC by a combined score of 142-65. Last season was also Dorrell's first winning season as a head coach, so why is he being rewarded now? It can't be to provide stability during recuriting, as Dorrell has also been getting routinely destroyed in the recruiting war- not only losing players to USC, but to Cal as well. High school recruits that want to play in LA would much rather play for an enthusiastic coach like Pete Carroll who has embraced the glitz and glamour of Hollywood than the staid and stoic Dorrell who seems to put a moratorium on fun during gameday.

Before this deal was done, there was some overzealous speculation that "The Old Ball Coach," Steve Spurrier, might be interested in coming to UCLA. Of course most people who follow the Bruins knew that athletic director Dan Guerrero would never pay Spurrier his asking price (I'm sure part of the reason for Dorrell's extension is that like basketball coach Ben Howland, he's willing to take a hometown discount); however the thought of UCLA having the brash, offensive minded Spurrier to counter Pete Carroll's squad was just too tantalizing to resist. Now any hope of a change in direction for UCLA has been destroyed by the announcement of this new contract. I just wonder if the contract was written on a white flag.

The Poor Get Poorer

Sign me up for Duke football, because I am blatantly plagiarizing this from a comment sent into me from JSon, who can always be counted on to bring the funny...

From the Dallas Star-Telegram:

President of basketball operations Donnie Nelson referred to Vroman (6-foot-10, 220 pounds) as a "poor man's Eddie Najera." Vroman has been in the league two years and spent last season with the Hornets.”

A poor man's Eduardo Najera? Personally, I find this more impactful than Bill Simmons’ “a homeless man’s” phrase. For example, which is a more punitive way to describe Arvydas Macijauskas (who just signed with Greece, which actually does bum me out): “A homeless man’s Steve Kerr” or “A poor man’s Casey Jacobson?"

I dunno. I should have seen Macijauskas’ departure from the NBA coming when I found his jersey for sale at the 99 cent store…which is kind of like a poor man’s Pic N’ Save.

Full House Busts Poker Players

If you'll indulge me for one post, I'm going to get political for a moment. Normally, I refrain from politics in this blog, but since this is an issue which directly affects me, I feel the need to speak out.

Eurobet.com, a United Kingdom based internet gaming site (specializing in sports betting, but also including poker and other casino games) announced today that effective immediately, they are closing all U.S. based accounts and refunding all American clients whatever remaining funds they may have. This decision comes as a direct result of two recent acts by legislators and law enforcement officials in the United States. Most recently was the arrest of Betonsports.com CEO David Carruthers in an airport in Fort Worth, Texas where he had a layover while flying from England to Costa Rica. For accepting bets online and over the phone, he is being charged with racketeering, conspiracy, and fraud. This came a week after the passage of bill HR-4411 in the House of Representatives which is designed to restrict the internet gambling business, including sports betting, casino games, and online poker. The bill will expand the Wire Act of 1961 to include the internet and will also make it unlawful for banks or credit cards to perform transactions with online casinos (virtually all US banks and credit cards already take this precaution by the way). Despite the bill's flawed logic, it passed easily, 317 to 93, and the Senate is now expected to move quickly to pass similar legislation.

Legislators would want you to believe that these actions are great strides towards eliminating a scourge from society. However, only the slightest bit of study reveals that this bill is both hypocritical in its terms and insulting to the intelligence of the American public. While its ostensible purpose is to ban internet gambling, the bill makes explicit exceptions for horse and dog racing, interstate lotteries, and high stakes fantasy sports leagues. So while it would be illegal to create an account with sportsbook.com and bet on the Colts, it would be perfectly acceptable to log into your TVG account from home and bet on the ponies. Some lawmakers have even tried to claim that this bill is part of the "war on terror," as internet gaming sites could theoretically be used by terrorist groups as fronts for money laundering. Seeing as how the most reputable gaming sites are actually registered on the London Stock Exchange, this claim seems to me to be purely a political ploy and without much merit. Besides, Americans know by now that the way you stop terrorism isn't by shutting down virtual poker rooms. You stop terrorism by bombing Iraqi civilians.

While this bill may deter some people from gambling online, the net effect of its passage is to turn millions of otherwise law-abiding citizens into criminals- much like the prohibition of alcohol did a century ago. It seems to me that rather than prohibition, the solution lies in regulation. There are an estimated 23 million people in the United States who play internet poker, and the Congressional Research Service estimates that Americans currently bet approximately $6 billion per year online. According to the Poker Players Alliance, regulating online poker has the potential to generate $3.3 billion in annual revenue for the US government and another $1 billion for state coffers. Granted, that's just a drop in the bucket in what is now a national debt of $8.4 trillion- but hey, every little bit helps. If nothing else, the $3.3 billion could be used to fund almost 19 days of the war in Iraq. Or if you want to be noble, it could also hire 500,000 additional school teachers, some of whom would be math teachers that could teach kids about the house edge and poker odds.

Some might argue that by regulating internet gambling within US borders, politicians would be promoting a potentially addictive and money draining habit for the purpose of its own financial gain. While there may be some truth to that, it would be naive to suggest that the government doesn't already do just that. As mentioned before, alcohol is regulated and taxed by the federal government, and there are no limitations on how much can be purchased. The SEC allows individual investors to buy securities on margin, which is in itself a form of gambling- and even worse, it's gambling with money you don't even have! Additionally, it should be noted once again that this "gambling prohibition" in its current incarnation allows individuals to bet on horses and play the lottery online!

I would also argue that properly implemented regulation of online gambling could actually help curtail gambling addictions. The government could require all US-based online casinos to be networked to each other. An individual would be limited in how much he is allowed to deposit into any online gaming account over a certain period of time (ex. $500/24 hrs, $2000/month). Lose two grand your first week of playing? Sorry, but you'll have to wait another three weeks before you can deposit again. (Or you could just drive to your nearest Indian casino and lose your mortgage- just another layer of the hypocrisy within this bill.) If a player wanted to gamble more than that online, they would have to file a credit report; and only by meeting strict financial criteria could they increase their limits. This report would have to be refiled regularly (quarterly? semi-annually?) to ensure that the player was not doing irreparable damage to their personal finances.

It may not be the healthiest habit in the world, but gambling is a part of the American culture. The state of Nevada has long understood the value of capitalizing on people who choose this form of recreation within their brick-and-mortar casinos. Now it's time for the other 49 states to recognize this reality in the virtual world.

And God Bless America.

3 AM Eternal

I have to be awake in a few hours to join a friend for a rather intense workout regimen. Given my poor sleeping patterns and my even worse conditioning, this isn't going to be pretty. If somewhere during the day, you see a headline on Deadspin that reads, "Runner Vomits Own Lung in Stairwell," that will be me.

With the time I have remaining, here's a quick recap of the day in sports:

-After enduring a losing streak wherein the Cardinals surrended double digit run totals, a Busch Stadium fan was overheard whispering to a friend, "I have to admit, given the way the team is playing, I'm not sure if Cardinals fans are still the Chosen People among the baseball gods." Immediately after these words left the fan's lips, God struck down the blasphemer with a mighty wind. Twenty nine other fans were also injured, but a little collateral damage is acceptable when the integrity of Tony LaRussa's blessed redbirds is at stake.

-Trevor Hoffman blew yet another save now that opposing hitters have finally realized that what they thought was a dominating changeup was actually just his fastball all along. Hoffman can no longer throw a changeup because if he were to throw a ball slower than his fastball, it wouldn't be able to reach home plate on the fly.

-Shea Hillenbrand was released from the Toronto Blue Jays after he refused to sit in the dugout with his teammates in response to being chewed out by his manager in a team meeting. Hillenbrand was also upset that he wasn't in the starting lineup nor had management ever congratulated him for adopting a child. Hillenbrand in turn called manager John Gibbons "unprofessional," then implied that Jeff Garcia was gay and Donovan McNabb was jealous of him. No I'm sorry, those last few were perpetrated by some other insecure professional athlete with a giant ego and no sense of team unity.

-Duke quarterback Zack Asack was suspended for the season after he was found to be guilty of plagiarism. Asack may have been able to get away with his habit of turning in non-original work had he not chosen this famous piece of Duke literature for his creative writing assignment.

-Lastly, Sammy Sosa indicated in an interview that he was planning on returning to major league baseball. "I wanted a break, but I'm getting ready to come back for the right offer," said Sosa. While Sosa (who apparantly spent his time off re-learning the English language) wasn't clear on what that right offer might be, a good start would be sessions with Jason Giambi's trainer and a 2 for 1 special on a year's supply of HGH.

Tough Times for a Legend

I'm a little late in getting this news, but I just wanted to send out my best wishes to baseball legend Sadaharu Oh. The home run king was recently diagnosed with stomach cancer and is currently rehabilitating from an operation performed Monday in which his entire stomach was removed. Ouch. That just can't be fun at all. The good news is that doctors think they were able to completely excise the tumor and that Oh is already up and walking. Hopefully, these are the first steps towards a full recovery.

And yeah, I know this message will never actually reach anyone with connections to Sadaharu Oh. But if people can write letters to Barbaro, then I can post this blog entry.

I don't really want to get in the habit of posting somber news, so to lighten the mood a bit, here is a video from an old school classic which contains a tribute to the Japanese slugger:

Big Bux, Young Bucks, and Old Buck

This entry comes in a bit late because I was spending way too much time playing online poker tonight. After enduring a two week long losing streak, I finally had a breakthrough session where I was combining good play with good luck, and I found myself actually collecting chips rather than giving them away. Unfortunately, my winning ways returned just one day (and about $349.999 million) short of being able to put in a bid to compete with Clay Bennett to purchase the Seattle Supersonics (Bennett can have the Storm tho). Even if the city wouldn't build a new state-of-the-art stadium, I would have promised to keep the Sonics in Seattle in exchange for standing reservations at Chiso with free sake bombs. Bennett has said that he will make a good faith effort to keep the team in Seattle, however judging by this or this article, it's safe to assume that there's a fair amount of skepticism. If you're a diehard Sonics fan, it appears that sooner or later, if you want to see your team in person, you'll have to fly out to Oklahoma City. I hear the arena is nice, but I'd be wary about ordering any fries while you're there. It looks like the future for Seattle basketball is looking as cloudy as.....well, as cloudy as everything else is in Seattle.

The future is looking much brighter (look at that seamless segue!) for Major League Baseball as the night was filled with standout performances from rookie pitchers. Francisco Liriano went 8 2/3 innings without allowing an earned run, Chad Billingsley pitched 7 scoreless innings in route to his first MLB win, and Jon Lester and Jon Papelbon combined on a one hit shutout of the Kansas City Royals. This is looking like the beginning of a great new era for baseball with every team having a stud young prospect to be excited about for years to come. Well, every team except the one that has "Giants" sewn on its jersey. But at least Giants fans have the benefit of getting extra value out of every ticket they buy since each home game is both a big league game and an old-timers game in one.

Somehow the Giants did miss out on signing one other old-timer who would have fit in well on their roster. The Kansas City T-Bones and Buck O'Neil agreed to a one day contract in order to allow the 94 year-old to play in the Northern League All-Star game. O'Neil had two plate appearances, both resulting in walks. Prior to the game, O'Neil speculated that he "might take a swing at one." Perhaps he thought Jose Canseco was going to be the opposing pitcher.

Hey Dreamhost: You Suck!

My hosting company was having server problems all day which in effect meant the Lounge was closed. I do apologize for that. Hopefully those problems are resolved, however I am looking at other hosting companies in the event that this is a reoccurring problem.

I hope you were able to locate other sources of juvenile, hedonistic commentary and pictures during my absence.

In Mammoriam

Just about every person I know has emailed or messaged me to inform me that Robert Brooks, chairman of Hooters, was found dead today. I'm trying not to think about what it says about me that I was the first person all my friends thought of when this news became public. Regardless, in Mr. Brooks honor, I present this YouTube clip of a very talented Hooters waitress, courtesy of savemanny.com.

Just One Stroke Away

It's the morning after the Jamie Farr Classic, and LPGA officials have to shaking their heads wondering what might have been. For the first half of the final round, it appeared that Natalie Gulbis was in a zone and headed to her first LPGA win. With her in the lead, ESPN's cameras followed Gulbis on every walk up the fairway- and what great camerwork it was. The savvy cameraman stayed on her side and used a low angle which, when combined with Gulbis' bouncing step and excellent posture, did an exceptional job of accentuating her "assets." If Gulbis was able to hold on to the victory, the clip of her walking up to the final tee would be played on sports segments everywhere; and people (i.e. horny men) that normally don't watch women's golf would suddenly take notice.

The LPGA knows that it has some stigmas that need to be dissolved if it's going to increase its popularity among sports viewers. Accurate or not, women's golf has had the perception of being a game filled with women that would be more comfortable at a biker bar than a clubhouse. However, as golf has become more popular of a recreation nationwide, there has been a greater influx of young, fit, body-conscious women into the sport. While there are still a few holdovers from the old breed (sorry Laura Davies), the tour now includes women such as Gulbis, Erica Blasberg, Catherine Cartwright, Kim Hall, Sarah Jane Kenyon, May Wood, Nicole Perrot, Carin Koch, Teresa Lu, Jill McGill, Paula Creamer, Grace Park, and of course, Michelle Wie. These are the new faces of the LPGA.

The LPGA knows that they need to capitalize on these young women too. This is acknowledged in their latest ad campaign: "These Girls Rock." Ladies' golf has the opportunity to fill a similar niche that women's tennis does- competitive action among young women being ogled by men 20+ years their senior. Creepy? Sure. But the ratings will be there. During these lazy days of summer with only midseason baseball and men's golf as competition, there is a void in sports programming. Whose bouncing breasts would you rather see- Natalie Gulbis or Phil Mickelson? In a recent article, Bill Simmons mentioned that one aspect that he likes about watching soccer on tv is that it doesn't require your undivided attention. The announcer's voice will let you know when there is some action on the horizon. Similarly, golf is a great "background sport," in which you can go about other business until you hear the announcer whisper something along the lines of "Here's Gulbis approaching the tee." Then you watch her swing and walk up the fairway, then go back to whatever it is you were doing.

But for all of this to happen, the tour first needs one of these women to actually win an event. Granted Paula Creamer has some wins and Grace Park was good in 2004, but these two are really more of supporting players in this new marketing strategy. What the tour really needs is a tournament where Michelle Wie and Natalie Gulbis are battling Annika Sorenstam for the title so there will be a symbolic changing of the guard. Then the LPGA will be able to go full force with their ad campaigns with Gulbis, Wie, and the other young ladies being fully featured, up close and personal. They also need to slightly modify the way tournaments are presented. One thing golf could do is increase their coverage of some of the "up and coming" rookies during the early rounds rather than focus on old standbys like Annika Sorenstam and Karrie Webb. But first and foremost, they must add more cameras to the coverage to allow for more closeup shots (just think about all the closeups of Sharapova's scowl that NBC uses during its tennis coverage.) Sure the Sanyo blimp cam is fine when Lorena Ochoa has her driver, but there really aren't enough tight shots of the competitors' expressions. There needs to be more personality within the presentation. Once this campaign takes hold and increases the viewership of LPGA events, this will have the added effect of encouraging Michelle Wie to relinquish her pursuit of making the cut in a men's event and instead participate in more LPGA tournaments further increasing the media coverage of the tour.

But first, Gulbis or Wie must win an event. It almost happened yesterday. But instead, it was Mi Hyun Kim who held up the trophy and made the tournament just an afterthought in the sporting world. But eventually, it's going to happen- and I'll have the Tivo ready when it does.

Another Nightcap

I hate to post back-to-back Nightcaps. But hey, it's the weekend...and a relatively slow sports weekend at that. So assuming you had a pretty nice little Saturday- going to Home Depot, buying some wallpaper, maybe some flooring...maybe Bed, Bath and Beyond if there was time- here's what you missed in the world of sports.

For the second game in a row, Barry Bonds and his soon to be 42 year-old knees easily stole a base, prompting fans everywhere to wonder, "What's gotten into him?"

Natalie Gulbis is tied for the lead in the Jamie Farr Classic heading into the final day of play. Gulbis has yet to win an event on the LPGA tour, but now has the opportunity to prove that she's not just another "kinda pretty, not spectacular, but I guess I'd do her" face.

Billy Joe Tolliver is leading the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship at Lake Tahoe. When asked about his strategy for the final day, Tolliver said, "I'm just going to try to not get drunk tonight. It wore me out last night." Now for the first time in my life, I find myself rooting for Billy Joe Tolliver. Leading the tournament is only the 2nd biggest achievement for Tolliver this weekend. His biggest accomplishment was actually being considered a celebrity.

The Milwaukee Brewers put Corey Koskie on the DL when he couldn't remember the words, "elephant, table, apples." I'm sure the team will list post-concussive syndrome, but I'd love to see an injury report read: "Out- Corey Koskie (apples)," tho it still won't top Carl Pavano being out because his butt hurt. To take Koskie's spot on the roster, the Brewers have called up Tony Gwynn, Jr. where he will join fellow Brewer Prince Fielder on the team of "Big League players whose fathers I saw play in person and make me feel really, really old."

Finally, in a much headlined story that noone really cared about, Sugar Shane Mosely knocked out Barbaro in the 6th round at the MGM Grand. Or something like that. Did I mention tonight's nightcap is being brought to you by Heitz wine cellars?

The Nightcap

Tonight's nightcap is presented by Sailor Jerry Rum and Coke. Sailor Jerry, the illegitimate son of Captain Morgan. It's a modern day retelling of Yellowbeard, only with booze instead of Cheech and Chong's tobacco...

If you're a Tennessee Titans fan, can you imagine any scarier announcement than this one: Vision, a nightclub in Atlanta will be presenting a "New Millionaires" night with special guests Titans' top draft picks Vince Young and LenDale White. The event will be hosted by...PacMan Jones. PacMan Jones?! They might as well put a prison cell inside the nightclub to save Young and White the commute. I can't think of a bigger recipe for disaster. The only thing worse would maybe be putting Fred Smoot in charge of a team's Toys for Tots drive...

In sports, there are some guys that have a decent grasp on reality:

Jeromy Burnitz, assessing the possiblity that he'll be traded by the Pirates before the July 31 deadline:
"In my mind, it doesn't seem like a foregone conclusion, because I haven't really played that well. If you're scouting me, you're not jumping all over it."
(btw, the .228 hitter is making $6 mil this year. No, I'd say probably not a lot of jumping going on amongst MLB GMs.)

Yankees GM Brian Cashman discussing the Yankees adding Sidney Ponson to the rotation:
"It's hard to upgrade your pitching, it really is. Hopefully, this is something that will work out for us. It's low risk and hopefully we'll get some upside out of this."
(translation: even if he gets lit up, he'll still have contributed more than Carl Pavano has since arriving in New York.)

On the flipside, some athletes are in such denial, they're borderline delusional:


Michelle Wie after shooting a +6 in the 1st round of the John Deere Classic:
"Considering that I had the water hazard penalties, considering that I had to call unplayable, considering that I hit my driver like 50 yards right, I felt like I played really well.
"... I have a lot of confidence going into tomorrow."
(yes, aside from all those moments when you really, really sucked, I thought you played quite well too, Michelle)

Odalis Perez after giving up a game winning home run- increasing his ERA to 6.79- in the Dodgers 14 inning loss to the Cardinals:
"If I've done something wrong, let me know, tell me. I want to know. I've been treated like trash."
(Ok, Odalis, I'll tell you. You see those guys in the other jerseys that run a circle and step on home plate after you throw a pitch? That's wrong. We don't want that. I would have assumed that a Little League coach might have taught you that, but at least you can learn it now.)

Finally, in an interview in which he announces that he plans to play 4 more years (which would be about 160 games total by his standard), Chris Webber tries to portray himself as martyr and a victim during his seasons with the Sixers. One tiny piece of the interview:

"I'm loyal to a fault, as my mother would say."

Just in case Mama Webber is keeping a list...along with loyalty, here are some other faults that your son Chris has:
1. Is allergic to the ball in clutch moments.
2. Accepts bribes.
3. Whines more than a Seahawks fan.
4. Makes Grant Hill look like an ironman.
5. Has uncontrollable urge to put hands in the shape of a "T."

...But other than that, he's the keystone of a champion.

So, all you fans of the Sixers, Titans and underage girls playing with overweight men....drink up. And as Fred Smoot would say, make it a double.

One Place I Don't Bring My Laptop

As much as I love my loyal readers, I love college girls in bikinis even more. I'll be at the beach today.

No update until late tonight.

NBA Action

Sexual assault charges against Kwame Brown were dropped today after prosecuters learned that "a medical exam of the victim was reviewed and revealed no signs of forcible sexual assault."

For once, having really small, um, appendages is working out to Kwame's benefit.

In a related story, there's this excerpt from a notebook in azcentral.com:

Besides providing security, NBA bodyguards have taken on additional roles in the wake of Kobe Bryant's sexual assault case.

According to a GQ story on NBA groupies, some players are asking friends or bodyguards to stand in and watch any bedroom activities that might take place on the road.

That way, should an accusation surface, a witness can help sort out the truth. For the players, writer Lisa DePaulo points out, this "isn't just kinky, it's smart business."

As for which men the groupies most adore? They prefer the bad boys, the Allen Iverson and Rasheed Wallace types.

"We like a guy who's hard on the court," one groupie said. "I never hear women oohing and ahhing over Kobe, because he's a punk. He's soft."

Dwyane Wade?

"A cutie, but not all women are turned on by the Christian thing."

No, why settle for the Christian thing when you can screw Zach Randolph in a hotel room while Ha Seung Jin watches from a dark corner, standing motionless and smoking a cigarette?

I Sure Do Miss Football

It's amazing how many people I run into here in California that are New England Patriots fans despite being 3500 miles from "their" team. I'm sure if I'd met these same people in 2000, they'd be big Rams fans; or in 1998, wearing an Elway jersey. However today, I'm beginning to see some very valid reasons to jump on that bandwagon. The Patriots cheerleaders revealed that they will be wearing new uniforms this upcoming season-




And if that wasn't enough, the Patriots website has also announced that the 2007 Swimsuit Calendar will be available sometime this August. Here are a few sneak peeks at that:

So tomorrow, I'm going to head out to the mall to buy a #54 Tedy Bruschi jersey- if for no other reason than I need something to hide my erection as I stare at the Patriots' girls.

(btw, larger versions of all these photos are available if you click on them...ya know, if you need a better view of the new neckline on the costumes or sumthin.)

All You Can Eat Wisdom

While I was wasting time helpless watching people chase and hit their flush draws on the river at Full Tilt Poker, my crack research team was busy reading the Sacramento Bee. Why would anyone bother reading the Sac Bee? Because every now and then, a reporter might trek out to the buffet at The Palms in Vegas and interview Ron Artest (registration required) while he dines on orange chicken, calamari, and matzo ball soup. Here are a few pieces of insight from Mr. Artest:

On his upcoming rap tour in Europe: "I didn't know that in Europe that all the countries connect. So we're driving to every country we're going to. That should be pretty cool."
Maybe they don't teach geography until your junior year at St. John's University.

On his time with Kings last season: "We had probably one of the best seasons in the history of the NBA, with how it turned out. Who ever had a turnaround like we did? I don't know. I don't think anybody. It might have been one of the best turnarounds. Besides the (New York) Knicks team that was the eight seed and won the (1999 Eastern Conference) championship.
It should be noted that one of the best seasons in the history of the NBA ended with a first round loss.

On new coach Eric Musselman: "I've seen him before. But when they said we got Musselman, I thought we got his father (Bill Musselman). I thought, oh cool, we got Musselman. I didn't know it was his son."
Bill Musselman died in 2000.

On what he's heard about coach Musselman: "I was at this place the other night, and this player (formerly) from Memphis (free-agent guard Antonio) Burks, he said, 'Man, you've got one of the best coaches in the league.' He said, 'Yo, Ron, you've got the best coach in the league.' I'm at a club, you know, and players don't say that. Players aren't going to come up to you and say that. I was like, Wow, that's neat. That's a big statement right there, coming from a player in a club."
Damn! He said it in a club? That's for real, yo!

On keeping Bonzi Wells with the team: "He called me last week. I told him if he leaves, then I'm going to kill him. Unless he wants to die, he's got to stay (with the Kings).
Coincidentally, this is the same thing he told his wife on their wedding day.

On whether he wants to play into his late 30s: "Nah. I can't wait to get home with my kids. My daughter will be like 15. My son will be older. I'm on the road so much now, I can't wait to be home, doing schoolwork with them and stuff."
You want to help me with my homework dad? No, really, I'm good.

He also compares himself to Donald Trump, refers to Elgin Baylor as "my boy," and has a fun exchange with Colleen Maloof, mother to Kings' owners Joe and Gavin Maloof. I get the feeling that Artest would be a fun guy to hang out with....well, at least up to the point where he threatens to kill you.

The New PSP: For the Racist on the Go

Sony will soon be releasing an alternate white version of the PSP as a counterpart to the popular black version- and to capitalize on the popularity of the all-white iPod. I guess that seems logical. What defies logic, however, is this billboard for the new PSP.


Wow. So far no announcement has been made if the new PSP White will come with "Final Fantasy: Aryan Nation" prepackaged with the system.

King James Continues Reign in Cleveland

Yesterday, Bill Simmons wrote a cogent, six point thesis speculating that Lebron may be leaving the Cavs after the summer of 2008. He then ended the argument with, "Note: If Bron-Bron re-signs with Cleveland this month, disregard everything in the previous few paragraphs..."

Well, it only took a day. LeBron James has accepted the Cavs max contract offer of an additional five years at approximately $80 million. Any dreams that Bulls, Knicks, or even Clippers fans had of James wearing their team's jersey have been vanquished. Of course, even tho he will be a member of the Cavaliers for the forseeable future, Nike reminds us that He doesn't truly belong to just one team. We are ALL witnesses.

Now if only Lebron actually had a few disciples with some skills wearing Cavs jerseys, then maybe Cleveland would really have something to root for.

Tskita Swatted Again

Thanks to JSon for this one:

The Blazers waived Nikoloz Tskitishvili on Wednesday. Tskitishvili, a 7-foot center/forward who was the No. 5 pick in the 2002 draft, had been claimed by Portland on Friday after Phoenix let him go.

Less than a week on the squad, in the offseason no less, and they're already dissatisfied? What can you do in six days that will make a team think you're any different than when they first signed you?

As Tskita sits down for his first interview with coaching/management: "We hired you to sit on the bench. But after watching you sit down, I don't think your posture is right for the team."

or

"Tskita, good to see you! I'm glad you could be part of the team! Say, while you're up, could you change the light bulb right above you. Yeah, I can't find a ladder anywhere. Got it? Thanks. That's all I need from you. We're gonna waive you now. Bye."

When Zebras Attack

So...this is an old video, but someone just shared it with me, so I thought I'd go ahead and pass it on. This clip is from a boxing match in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida a few years ago betweeen two obvious amateurs. The referee, James Bruno, separates the two fighters and ends up pushing one of the guys down. The fighter takes offense to it, pushing the back of the ref's neck and saying something that the ref obviously doesn't like. So the ref takes matters into his own hands...



Here are Bruno's accounts of the event:
"First I accidentally knock the guy over while seperating the two. I then apologize and pat the guy on the headgear. As I walk away he mushes the back of my head and when I turn around he tells me to go "F" myself. If you look extra closely you can see me knock away his left hand which was on my neck first before I slammed him. Earlier in the fight the guy was acting like a punk, talking smack and disrespecting everybody. He totally deserved it, everyone who was there agreed."

Rasheed Wallace better think about this the next time he's staring down Dick Bavetta after a call goes against him.

Captain Carl

Carl Crawford has just run for the cycle. He's stolen 2nd, 3rd, and now home. The play at the plate wasn't even that close. And for once, the home crowd at a Red Sox/DRays game was actually cheering for the Rays.

Also, in the Yankees/Indians game, the Yankees are running w/ impunity against the Indians.

Not to go all Joe Morgan on ya, but Moneyball can kiss my ass.

(By the way, sorry that I haven't yet figured out how to transfer vid from my DirecTivo to the pc. I gotta work on that.)

Back to the Future

After a sequence of events that left me in the dark ages of 1994- no directv and no internet- for almost a week, I am finally connected back into modern times. Things got so bleak that I actually bought something called a "newspaper" to get my sports' information. Did you know those things only have the scores and stories from the previous day??? Very strange. So I'm still playing catchup, but here are a few stories that stood out to me over the last couple days:

Orlando Cabrera channeled the spirit of Rod Carew and pulled off one of the easiest straight steals of home you'll ever see. Cabrera's steal was so clean, that Dodger's pitcher Chad Billingsley didn't even bother delivering his pitch home once he realized what was happening. Of course it didn't hurt that Billingsley was in a full wind-up which involved looking straight down, giving the rubber an extra tap with his foot, a high leg kick, and a silent prayer to Tommy Lasorda before actually delivering a pitch.

The Yankees provided further evidence of the need for an international draft in baseball, as they signed hot catching prospect, 16 year-old Venezuelan Jesus Montero to a $2 million contract. While it's possible that the 6'3" 220 pounder is really 22 and won't ever amount to anything, it's still patently unfair that only certain organizations (Yankees, Dodgers, Red Sox, Mariners and a few others) have access to such a large talent pool. While teams such as the Pirates and Royals will always be at a financial disadvantage within the league, an international draft would at least help level the playing field a little bit. Tho' I'm sure the Royals would find a way to screw that up too.

Reggie Bush hasn't signed his multimillion dollar contract yet, but that hasn't stopped him from giving money to New Orleans organizations. He signed a deal with Adidas and gave $50,000 to save a private school for children with learning disabilities. He convinced Hummer to loan 12 vehicles to the Slidell Police Department for a year. He's also teamed with sponsors to donate $86,000 to seed the field at Tad Gormley Stadium (by the way, why does it cost less to save a school than grow grass?). It appears Bush has realized that there's more to being a professional athlete than beating up strangers at Dennys or masturbating in a grocery store parking lot. Nice job, Reggie.